Wednesday, December 26, 2012

traveling treasures

We each have an inner spark and are made of one light. As it travels and we travel with it, we are changed by it. we can choose the change. some do not even see it because it pervades them.. We had christmas dinner at rosemary's with Matt, Uncle Joe, and Grandpa. Rosemary is such a good cook. show your love with your deeds and feed your family and that changes the world. controling yourself despite the situation you can not. give it to Allah. it was 2 years ago we lived there.Taz and Terra are both gone now. We found out Grandpa got depressed and has gout and stopped eating and the neighbors called the fire department to check on him and he was fine after he ate. Christmas Eve we drove down to Anderson and spent the night at matt's. Tim and Sylvia, and Mike and  Lynn  came. Christmas morning we drove back to nc and I got sick. I felt okay later and ate with dr vines and opal.
I connect and create with my own mind body and soul to people insha'Allah. it is Allah's Attributes and Actions, in orbit, ascending in bloom to be known. 2013 is the year of the serpent, apply what you know. the full moon in cancer tonight, open mic, help from ancestors  to heal and let go. When you watch a film it can change you, yet it remains apart from you.every time there is another layer to peel.  observe the creation drama, respond only with love.    you build it and it grows and you let it go..  Marc said the ghost of his grandma helped him get his guitar ready on stage.

Friday, December 21, 2012

winter solstice spring euinox

No more hiding. Break out in celebration, it's the galaxy's birthday. darkness recedes now. spiritual midwifery. red tent, crecent crab moon sea pearl. cultivating my own energy for this time means being more quiet and waiting for answers to come rather than seek them. there is a fire that burns though flame touched it not. the change comes when you master your gift self and embrace the shadow, that the world has molded you into, but is not true. You see the fire in you and do not seek it with the eyes. open to the unity of all things to give and receive. the new earth grows seed and kernel with your light. you see the unseen before it appears, at the source.
Allah reveals Himself when one surrenders their senses, Al mu’alim. Allah is in you, in creation, go in, thru and beyond. Layla is on the raido~Lailat Al Qadr. I  heard nadia’s cd player and it was sami yusuf try not to cry little one,. I imagined it as a message to her as a child who really did feel all alone, and then I was thinking of islam and muslims, as well as other religions with other followers, and how Allah reveals Himself thru them all,Allah made man into nations and tribes to teach them and show them the beauty of diversity and of His Creative Power, and that each separate religion ensured that they would all be guided, in one way or another, thru one message, one teacher, one book, or another, different because each human is different, yet all similar bc we are one soul, and seeing the jamal and jalal as a sign again from Allah from nation to nation that they each are both blessed and tried. 

Friday, December 14, 2012


 I am going to be happy and feel good and put that first. If you can't meet me I won't go.Questions demanding answers have no space. I can not bend and break to fit. My darkest days have come, and I hope I can put myself together with Marc, without medication but it may come to that. Seeds sprout in the dark. Stars shine in the dark. Dark is calm and quiet, in the cave. The spiral is upwards. Number 9. Nadia's birthday party at Granny's had ernie, dianne, nina, mom, rob, granny, me and marc. she got a cool clock and a cute horse and we had cake and ice cream. Monday Marc called in and we drove down Brickyard to Tall Trees. Granny Nina and Ernie were there, we ate and got water.

I wanted to get out of Cali, so I can make the most out of being home again. But I have not made this my home yet.  I have been with Marc for 4 years, married half a year. Moving isn't always the answer, but I liked Hendersonville better and finally it is on the table. Lenon said his children orbit around him. I have never felt rooted or at home and just came into my body. it is going to be a one day at a time thing, to get body mind soul food shelter clothing family friends in order.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


I enter the cave of myself.I choose how to respond. This is the point of no return. I am light and dark as Allah lowers and lifts my heart's veil to be known. We were created to know. Musa was busy asking questions rather than experiencing directly. All you hear is an echo. I know there is no where to run on a spiral. My mind is hiding behind my heart crying wolf. If you don't learn you will always return. As above so below. Everything is measured divinely. When I make a space peace falls into place. there is no eject button, so plug into the source. Peace descends instantly and the boat can not be rocked.
It's all me creating destiny. The Great Work. The pieces do fit, there is no lack. Cinnamon took me to Cheshire, Danielle taught. I  feel glad to have the support in myself and the universe if i ask.  Christina and I observed Hot Vital Flow w/ Martia, She was dropping hints about bones and body. It was great to watch her, feel the heat, see the students at different levels.  Marc laid out super sick today and Nadia had a half day..
Nadia was sent home with a fever, and I decided the yoga was a struggle I could accept putting aside. I have to enjoy the ride and not grab on just to feel alive. I lose power when I put the demand or expectation on what is beyond my control.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

thanks giving pearl

Unity sees itself. Just to see the pearl is enough even if you can't take it with you. It is buried deep in the sea, in a shell. the only way this song could be sung is if every note was played. it doesn't make sense when you read the music, only when you hear the song. it is the composer listening that adds the subtle AUM. to be enveloped fully in life you have to be willing to set it free at any time. potential and possibility and destiny lie there. beyond your understanding and only to be lived.  It takes many rubs of the waves to form the pearl. it is old patient and wise
which blessings of the Lord will you deny? i see the result of going half way, and listening to a noise outside just because it is sudden doesn't mean i should go check it out. Allah says am I not your Lord? Tree of Life or Knowledge? I can not read! I can not measure. I can not divide. Mind or Heart?
wed. nadia spent the night with  friend and came back at the last minute . rob was at the store when we got to their house.  mom showed nadia how to blend pastels better and she gave me seeds to sprout. marc and rob played some guitar together. mom said granny always makes thing beautiful now. and that i don't share my gifts enough. she cried when we left.

Friday, November 9, 2012

every body has a changeable story

 Everything starts at the head, the cerebrum, the Ram. Ra the Light. Right ascension Meridian. Raise the oil.Passive vs Active. alchemical wedding.Agreement to create. thoughts voice essence source. we all have tools to do life's work. the work is a balanced body mind soul..our body  is like a pole magnetically tied to earth and  stars. It remembers reacts responds to all of life's events.the body is the container of the spirit. it is a box to manifest experience.

The brain is elastic and plastic.most people go on auto pilot and some awaken kundalini. Reading is really listening to someone and not saying a word as well as looking into each other's eyes teaches us about our illusion of ourselves and how to offer a safe space for others to heal. telling my body's story was a burying of sorts. thoughts and feelings are in us, we must transform our vision to witness. I am making my story beautiful.

Sunday, November 4, 2012


Standing, sitting, or reclining, shine as an orb. No fear or grief, speak only good. in beauty and love. sing and dance and hug trees, Read with Allah, be alone to know, is to take the bitter fruit. let it go to Allah. Create, turn on, raise oil,  make it beautiful as before again. .the knower, knowledge and known are one. i got caught up in the whirl wind of the angel's caress. not wanting to be here in a cage, looking away, turning away, to face a lesser test. I saw it's shadow, the dunya,  for what it was so want more to let go of it. i must be in myself to birth it and unite people outside. see all around the cycle never stops of love. build make nurture create, like the red moon, most good for most people in my caravan. .Return like monarch migrations  first in flight. for a blink of eternity. so what if i see destruction? Look what I made of the pieces! that is why i don't sit for long, let go and look back down the river. i make that destruction like shakti. when things burn down we miss  the illusion for a minute. I am that minute. then hold on tight to what comes together to see yourself in love.

Monday, October 29, 2012

bless it

pay attention to pain, to make something beautiful is not to fix it. name to contain baRAka. buRAq a flashing bolt. barc/boat/arc (crab) crescent sideways. the most precious treasures in this tavern of ruin are women perfume and prayer.the lote tree of utmost boundary.There is no other to serve, it is the same source as you.  raise the oil in 3 days. Don't stop now.Go around and up to raise vibration, the speed of light, come out of the dark, nothing is lacking when you are open to share. we all meet each other's need in one way or another. theirs is just as deep as yours. we all fall, hurt, struggle. it  takes a lot to put all your baggage/drama aside and see another one's first, and be changed. it matters more the choices i made, words i said, than any scrape or bruise i've gotten.
i am drawn to the dark, i do notice the hidden. make this a gift. to help and heal myself and others, if it won't then give it to the wind. things aren't what they seem outside, this i know. how easy to forget the same is true inside. an angels touch is a gate to the cave, shell cocoon niche, oil. if i slow down and am more careful, i guess unlike my parents, then i will do well and make it last. Tall trees take a long time to grow but a moment to destroy. so work very patiently with a vision to hold.

Friday, October 19, 2012

to turn and return

the infinite instant, the dance of past present and future. we are clay fire water wind and soul. Ancient nutrients of earth wisdom  behind propels me onward. every time i cry it is like a hug from Dad. open arms now to serve the other you on the street, or your home. Thinking and feeling is the opposite of creating. words must rise off the page. I came to be a rainbow warrior. Remember colors. Be beauty.. east west circle hoop womb. only make it better, it is time to reverse.. nothing is wrong.  The inner is the infinite, and must be contained to be realized. unique original and rare. I broke a cup and broke down. Marc helped me.Everything breaks, be the cup. Let doubt, fear, and anger spill away. Let go of all but love.I talked to Nadia about making our house better with more love. she will be 9 soon. within myself and this moment i want to know mind body and soul. there the certainty is. in her, for me.
 I feel closer to Allah without Islam directly, just us alone. I have to cultivate a connection to the Prophet, somehow. I feel more sufi without islam. i also figured out big time feelings and emotions and thoughts lie to us. everything we see points to Allah, we are moving changing growing creating the moment now. Creation is bound to let you down to  turn you to will perish as I have learned. that is the best change, to learn.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

kundalini flutter

7 year cycles. All points connect. Ayurveda is awesome. it is based on healing by opposites. perfect alignment. straight path is open and trusting. of course brad chose one pose for us to teach the class that is particularly hard for each of us. the point is more to find our voice. i felt like all that mattered was the attempt. the point is to improve with years of daily practice. it is new to be in my body and activated. there is so much depth in healing yourself it is hard to meet others on the surface. i can see why people go to ashrams.
The 2 serpents coil upwards back to their source, and electromagnetism radiates out

after saturday's yoga class, i felt an opening move up and down inside like a butterfly. i asked brad today and he said it is kundalini. the healer is within. the intention is the power. if you never dive in, if you never hold on, it never wakes up.why flutter when you can fly? the creative  process is a growing spiral, we have our own voice to hear. what is yours, but Love? The King has only a broken palace to show. He is infinite wealth Himself. There is no struggle, just show up.

Sunday, October 7, 2012


I fought to come here, to arrive, and to stay alive and thrive here. This strength was hidden deep within and forgotten.But the struggler wasn't me, If I don't dance with my skeleton I won't activate my light body. Whatever the infinite is, my experience in space and time is quite different. Don't be deceived by the container. Use the ingredients. To build and be the change that is life's quest. Recall, reconnect, recollect. Be pushed but feel propelled. Am I not your Lord?
kundalini flutter~ dissociated due to trauma, the thoughts and feelings are a veil, to hide from my body, i guess that was a message programmed in i can delete, and plug in to the beautiful expression of Allah. doing so is like filling the container, unpacking to stay long term. it feels like malnourished roots are finally reaching water and waking back up. the clot, the womb, the rope, the light, milk  and honey all hidden in plain view

From the ocean of stars to the ocean of the womb, the world needed me in the flesh, the light in humble form. Knowing of the struggles in my ancient past had given me a warped perspective I battle with to this day. Battle scars are a sign of strength, not a flaw. My worth and strength doesn’t need to be shown to anyone but myself. If I know it and live it then that is all that matters.What things are supposed to be known or should be is anyone’s guess. It is a life of a bird in a cage to live by broken expectations of a past or a future beyond your control. Being awake and aware of the illusions of the world are of no benefit if I do not awaken to the power within. Only then can I help another. 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


The veil is either drawn or pulled back again and again, each time unique. Embrace it and celebrate it now.. The space and time orientation is one graduation before another. Change and growing and letting go and death are key lessons to reap spiritual insights. We have left behind knowing, and are here to remember.  This spot of  Unity allows the experience of duality. Of course there is suffering. Only eternity offers the cure. Look down from up high.Observe how  things forever change to detach you.
 i let out much anger today. Stop grasping hot coals merely out of habit, now there is more room for gratitude. I am open to the dance the stars above are inviting me to. Spread the wings I have in me and always have. Claiming it and holding it feels better than looking the other way. what is hidden will appear.  collapse proceeds expansion. The change will always come, from one direction, then another. As you bend toward the light your lotus blooms.

Friday, September 21, 2012

red to orange

i am here back in the forest  because i am needed
industrious and creative, something to show only i see.
be the change, it has nothing to do with others
many or few, friend or foe, chop wood carry water
inheritance of faith and deeds,
fruits bloom from shit on seeds
 libra kidneys reins
saggitarius hips

i hold back for fear of poverty, overcoming death, how appropriate that today was the fall equinox. time for shukr and harvest or rizq. how could i question Allah when it is He who has given me the ability to ask? I remember not finishing so i have to rush nothing lasts an i have to think and not act, well, no more.opening up and letting go to stand tall and proud is the hardest task right now.  orange is being here with and for others.  make my home cozy by serving Allah, self, and fanily who are as messed up as me. i heal that, don't stop halfway. the point! refining the light, wax out wain in. keep some share some

Monday, September 17, 2012


Live on light and gaze up at the stars. The touch of an angel can open many worlds.How does light touch clay without going straight through it? There must be descension and ascension "to know".   it requires conscious effort to balance in dunya.  Duality is a hermetic principle.
On the cusp change is in motion. When I feel crabby remember the lioness, i may want to be alone but have a nurturing instinct. what a dance! when my roar is angry remember the crab's shell. the turtle is always home, offering a ride  the fruits of self love which is a long slow process of going within. The bear who shares honey without scaring you away.
Today we would have gone on a camping trip to folly but i talked marc out of it. I still really want to do yoga on the beach. Marc took me to Olive Gardens. It rained all day.  we went shopping and food was so expensive!Marcia said Bob might build me a dehydrator! We picked up Nadia from chess and Simara was there too. . I almost have my shrine set up on the island. i grasp hold and let go. the stages of my cycle.

Thursday, September 13, 2012


sufism is proper time management.infinity in an hour. I do look back but it's not for growth. tilts and rotations, with the sun and moon. around the inner kaaba, heart  cave. it's always the same place but you are not the same visitor. the microcosm within is the electricity and macrocosm without is the  magnet.i am attracted and repelled from within toward without, and must harvest  this instead. that is the sideways, fleeing darkness then embracing it for good. to release, wane. detox first

On each timeline a minute just  is, versus a moment you create. I messed up my schedule and missed Friday's yoga class.once again it was hard not to beat myself up. like the tarot, the last to show up. saturday a new guy with a hurdy gurdy talked about the big bang. we are stars in orbit too. be a lamp post rather than a darting star. chose kundalini for my research paper. sunday took a quiz.marc was off all week. got my anatomy book and went to  todd's sandwich shop. then had a picnic at lake tomahawk. lots of butterflies.tomorrow marc starts a new fri-sun 7 am -7pm schedule. marcia is picking up nadia then keeping her overnight.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

wake up

Hey you. the true you. Allah has Purpose, Plan, Intent. He asks us first, intimately, directly. Answer the call. Get up when you fall. it is easy to say. yet that  is laying a foundation.Yes indeed, I will apply what I read.  choose success. do not just exist. Matter is energy in motion. We are created creators. The temple is  the soul-of-man. The beginning is being given to you. Darkness recedes, yet the world sleeps. what's in it for Allah? Our growth and potential, multiplier of blessings, written yet unseen. . Grab hold of His Rope, you will return home , and see. We asked for the knowledge and the experience but forget Allah, which makes us forget ourselves. Remember when all you knew was unity and see it unfold in creation. We don't yet know, but were created to know, through the experience when we were ready. Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment. Light upon light is remembering.
it is all about the action of creation, womb, mercy, birth, purity.Allah knows the secrets of the womb. the home and the family, is a noble battle, and the strongest weapon is love. the myth i tell myself is not how Allah sees it. He has a perfect plan. Do you trust Allah to wake  you up again? if you walk the path of shukr that is how you start the day. activate. participate. 

Saturday, August 18, 2012


coming going following chasing
a blank slate for you to create
something from nothing for the benefit  of all
build for  the sake of building

2.5 years at tall trees west henderson high
broke out and belonged
neil died, jeremy came back
once upon a time moody blues
Debbie Raymond Billy Friday
after we left Uncle david died
luke and terry died, jamie's a truther, david is married

east to west, mountains to city
culture shock happy new year
2.5 years engaged, savanna high
fullerton college, el camino college
joni turtle renee
career exploration, self disidentification
comparative politics
journalism, avtivism,  interpreter, nutrition, future yoga instructor

6 yrs married in gardena
dec starting from scratch a month at tt w/ debbie
jan first apartment patton st
upstairs twin flame first week
mirror kiss
olive gardens valentines day
fairview to black mtn
honeymoon chalet in may

Thursday, August 16, 2012

scooby doo van

yesterday i replied to a post on homesteading and survival of a soldier planting seeds with american soil in iraq, and said if he missed his soil go awol. the page owner called me names and i made a new friend out of it that also likes yoga. people are hypnotized by camouflage.  survival. threats, fear of death, hidden in plain sight my issue is i know my power and choose my reality. put my power in the right place so it effects change. Granny and Papa bought some land and it became Tall Trees. infinite potential and blessings. I guess now it's mostly between Marcia and Tom.
the world i want to create in my family and home and all of me into something that grows, really settling in black mountain. i have the information and knowledge , the grammar and logic, but i do not connect when i share ugly truth, it is conftontational, as compared to clinging to a friend in the past, which i miss. the warmth and inspiration is lacking
vivian saved 4 kittens Xel orphaned on the roof.  tiger  got kicked out for being mean to them. today we hung out with daniel and went to cracker barrell. it was nadia's first day in 3rd and she got the teacher she wanted. then evan and his dad dropped off the scooby doo van in our driveway. my favorite part is the signatures on the walls. marc chose my green candle to put in it. we may solarize it and put an oven and shower in it and have guitar classes in it.

Monday, August 13, 2012


I waited to the last minute to get a cab to yoga. That was a great lesson. I know what procrastination costs.  I missed last semester to push me harder this semester. It cost me $40. That was another lesson. Why fall back on the last resort? many obstacles are in  the mind. being aware of the mind's illusions and letting them go to yoke with your true self is yoga. the 8 fold path. A new word I learned there is kula, community. We could hear the Sourwood Festival outside, then a huge storm hit. A girl named Christine drove me home. She does a lot of yoga and has a son.
The next day we talked about injuries and yoga styles. Martia said to talk to Brad about tegretol. Marc and Nadia met me for lunch and i got pants at sourwood. Sunday we worked on alignment and shared lunch.  We started anatomy and physiology. after class brad told me some nerve endings were not formed and take minerals. The greatest part is returning to my body and teaching it. To be fully in it and love it. The red lotus opening

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

moon room 237

.i found an awesome film about the shining and the moon landing. who watches the earth from the moon? what is buried there?  worse than faking it is how it taught us to believe what we see.and how kubrick was used to fool us.2012 is more than halfway over,  almost 2 years in black mountain! still need to check out hop'n blueberry farm, and rise up river camp and bring my new drum to the circle. !  there is no time but Allah's time. jury duty, yoga and 3rd grade start next month.  the cancer  is tied to home and family, so ofcourse those are the challenges i have to find balance in. as tom says its not where you're at, it's where you're "at". i lose track of the path and must backtrack. strangers make their place a home. now andy left ernie a note telling him he was greedy for not sharing the chalet, and ernie said he'd never go out to tall trees again. nina isnt upset at andy, at least not publically. Mondays (moondays?) will be at Granny's now. 

yesterday kamal picked up nadia for a week's stay in flat rock. i want to fix the house, and get my permit while nadia's gone. nadia left the paper with all the fun stuff to do here. i called today at noon and kamal was just waking up. it feels like 9 for him and it is ramadan, the month of the qur'an. . he called back later to ask about nadia's hand. the human soul has astral work to be done in a physical body. there is an unseen world some know of, travel in. it is a veil of knowing, lifted for few. as below. the mountains taught my heart and the city taught my mind.  things are not what they seem to the mind but the heart knows through love. 

Friday, July 20, 2012

ramadan birthday

 it's my 31st earthday. when the month of ramadan comes, the gates of paradise open and devils are chained.. a month of mercy, repentance, purification, and forgiveness. true hunger is not a lack of food. what gift do i most want to give to myself? purpose with first ramadan was in december. 1999, it my senior year. the days were shorter, so the fast was quicker,13 years ago. this time it began on my birthday, 5 months sooner. the beauty of life is its ephimerality.   

The hidden does not always remain so.  we exist to know.  there is duality in unity. reflections outside of myself are the light splintered into rainbows.eventually they become white again. the seed opens in darkness and reaches home towards light.  The womb of earth and sky are held with mercy. all is learned what you needed to yesterday. there is more to learn today.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

spiral spiritual ritual

feel the pressure of the earth's spin
as you descend ride the winds of the divine whisper
the being of gaia and sophia offers and gives
 listens and remembers
until you ascend again

Thursday, July 5, 2012

8 billion years

I remember reading a book with my dad. Strange Stories and Amazing Facts. I learned from it our sun is a yellow dwarf that will turn into a red giant. the sun cools and swells into a white dwarf and dies. When I went on the family beach trip I told Joe. He got scared because he didn't know 8 billion was so big. I had The End in mind as I grew older. Nothing was as it seemed. Look at the decay. It had to mean something. 

Monday, July 2, 2012


sumerians = some aryans
heart cave ashram in the mind i  go to instead of  always thinkin of the past
if the  military had not obeyed stand down orders 9/11 wouldn't have hapened
writing what you know, trivium. quadrivium
nature, counter culture, comparative politics
home safe secure nurture protect
everything is temporary enjoy it while you can

random stufff from April

the golden compass
storm of the century, stephen king film
2 roads meet
i deleted norah and she didn't want to be my friend. jenn blocked me and i felt the same. norah and i both came around.
"intruders" project dove "yellowbook"Alien guest = hidden imam
they alter livestock so aliens alter us

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Cover me

between the lines
you are a sign 
as the ink of the Pen dries
Be, and it is
you must drown in the Ocean to see with true eyes
as the womb bursts 
you touch the skies

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

the list maker

an Ingles receipt from 5/21/11

1.Michael Badnarik "No I Will No Comply"
3. Adam vs. The Man
4. Eternal Vigilance Radio
5. Truth Evolution Aaron McCollum (disappeared)
6. Women in Black
7. Food Not Bombs
8. Max Igan
9. David Icke
10. Colleen Thomas
11. Vets For Peace
12. Iraqi Vets Against the War
13. Tour with no Name
14. The Farm
15. Food Not Lawns

Heal with mother, paradise on earth. understand learn from and share experiences.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

occupy bilderberg 2012

right before we left marc had a weird convo with his grandpa that shaped the whole trip, he thinks we're being watched from ties to the kennedys. That ties right in. the bilderberg group are becoming more mainstream knowledge. every four years they meet in the US. charlie has covered it for 3 years.Some protesters there were back a second time, longer than i'd known about the bilderberg group. . Tim Geitner was there, jon huntsman was there, Shannon helped drive at night and in the rain. we got there friday evening, it  was great seeing so many awake and aware people in one place. we knew one cop lee was an aj fan. we gave all of them funny nicknames.   it poured down rain friday but we got more soaked walking to comfort inn. saturday even more people came and it was scorching hot. the oath keepers gave out water. we yelled so loud kissinger gave us  the bird.  one girl turned  around a blockade and squirted the cops.  i saw  chris dorsey from facebook to flesh and met hardcore harry and Mark Dice . marc and i took a lunch break and everyone there was a protester too. the guy working gave us props.  that night we slept at a rest stop and were the first ones there sunday with charlie skelton. we taqlked with him. shannon flipped off kissinger as he drove off in his tinted windows.

Friday, May 25, 2012

the human stargate

wedding and dog bite. things happen so fast or my perception of time is changing. now, the becoming. we spent the honeymoon at the chalet. Looking around it I was like what can I make and create for my own pleasure and not be attached to the results. what is truly ours, what is possible, who plans and decides and how to connect and relate for growth, what gets cut off and what grows in its place, what is wasted by not paying attention. how did my childhood prepare me for this time since it is so different? how do i use the light and love to create and still dwell on that first step out of the darkness? Darkness is unknown.
it all boils down to responsibility. response ability. i am not so attached to what's already gone or far away because i am the stargate, there is no elixir of life it is in the spine. there is no savior but my own journey's end where we don't battle duality. a writer, with a pen, reads first then chooses and crafts the words like a picture with many colors again not so attached to results. The results are unknown.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Paradigm of Atlantis

America is the new Atlantis. Reason and rationality fail without spirit. Degenerate GFL come from a vibrational paradigm with thousands of levels of reality some think they are right and some know they manipulate. Lowest realm of 5th dimensin is heaven. Now end of cycle bringing to balance, Mayan. connected to nature -Orion group not all evil. Orion League into control. Black pope is a gopher.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


I watched a video of Robert Morningsky from 1991. He had a Hopi mother and Apache father. He was raised between the two families due to his father's death, by his grandfathers. The Apache are patriarchal and the Hopi are matriarchal. The Hopi teach that we come from the Star Elders. For the star being to take on an earthly body is to be a warrior. We are visitors and do not truly belong on the Earth. All ancient civilizations are connected by design by off planet beings as an experiment.
The dance is a test to prove endurance and to pay respect to the elders. Moving in a body is why we're here, until we go home. In the "light" you get reprogrammed and reincarnate again to be used as an energy source. To break this cycle find and shine your own light.

Saturday, April 21, 2012


I posted a blog about Israel destroying a power plant in the West Bank. Ramy confirmed it as true saying it collects news from many sites.  Micah took the poorly cited work as reason enough to doubt the story. He went so far as to call it slander. I felt compelled to do his work for him and verify the info from other more mainstream sources while deleting him. I said you don't believe it because you are Jewish? Once he commented that he passed the story along from a source he liked better, but no apology for attacking me, I blocked him. All my friends backed me up.
Some people you will reach because they are open to new information. Others fight to retain the illusion. What are we basing reality on, and how do people clash based on what information they have? Then throw in thoughts and feelings. The body mind and soul are balanced in so few people. I will take it to heart about writing to inform, and gathering information, how to expose the information and respond to discuss it. Obviously the mainstream is questionable.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012


Family and house are both "bayt" in arabic. Cancer is tied to the home, as the woman is the heart of the home. To be cut off from half and to move so often set in the pattern early. One family you're born into and another you build. This doesn't have to be earthbound. One family you're raised in and another you raise. There was a building and destroying of my home with Kamal, to bring Nadia to begin a home with Marc. Nadia teaches me how to be a mother. The body is the house of  light. I am a light body mixed with clay. moving and traveling through space. This means past present and future are truly 5th dimensional. The mingling of two realms, the mission is to prevent the capping of the pyramid. There's nothing missed dropped or lost.
The Rosicrucian pirate, passed on his mission and vision. The cycle of birth life and death, and here I am, bringing light to the darkness. Marcia picked up Nadia yesterday and we went to the drippilator and then to CVS and the park. We watched ducks then It started to rain. We went to the Family Fun Night. I got her 3 books and then we looked at her classroom. We ate dinner then Marcia dropped us off.

Thursday, April 12, 2012


Yesterday Ahmad posted a picture of IDF soldiers pointing guns at children in their beds. . One of his friends wished the same on the soldier's children. I pointed out the innocence of children, as did Karen. We were not well received by the commenter and another friend of Ahmad. Both of them pointed out that we had no idea what occupation was like. I left the discussion because I was starting to cry and Nadia was there. Karen stuck it out and it turned around for the better.
I thought of the pain and suffering that I could never understand or know, and that my care and concern could have been expressed by listening. My type is INFJ and the intuitive just listens openly. The brother that got upset apologized and saw where I was coming from. We became friends. That now inspires me to push harder for peace. Like my tarot reading said to let go of expectations. There is nothing I can do about others' thoughts or feelings but that does not mean we can not connect. We are one even beyond the opposites. There are those who know and those who act on what they know, for the sake of those who don't know

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

sycamore flats

It's the middle of Spring Break. Marc and I said we'd like to get married in the Spring. We had Evan over and decided on May 12th. I've got permission to drive and I got accepted into the Yoga Teacher Training. Over the many years, so many things are built and destroyed. Parts of me left long ago and parts of me stayed. It was like looking at a blend of old and new, and a canvas with so many colors to blend and mold. The paintbrush is me. It all blends into the unity of Now. I can create something totally mine, and my desire for it will keep me going through the obstacles that would have made me quit. Go out, come back. The lapping of the ocean waves on the shore. What are all these outer influences drowning out, that real me I have been growing into, but neglecting and looking away from, denying how special she is. The reason I am in this place and time and the forgotten lost love I am rediscovering.

Right before Marcia came I was watching a video on EFT. It goes to show how picking something you love and doing it your best is so rewarding. Marcia took us to get Granny then go to Pisgah National Forest. It was quite special to have 4 generations together. As we drove through town we were talking about all the gorgeous blooms we saw. We found a great picnic spot and got in the water and threw rocks. We ate lunch and then got some ice cream in Lake Toxaway. When we bought Granny home, Steve and Jam were there.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

wholeness and balanced vibration

it is thoughts that are not true and feelings that have me, that block real actions from within. we must be silent and still to reach the next phase. The aims we seek require taking control and power back over choices. fighting for dreams. i keep getting the message to let go. I also get tired of going back into the past in my mind to justify where i am now. i won't know what i can do if i give up too soon. i can only go so far in reacting and in listening to other ideas. paying attention to my body and mind and heart, as well as what I do, say, and not do, at home first, and then beyond, the real peace love happiness i want and felt and lived years ago. live it. it is mine to create. some growth, pain, scars, and breaks, are bound to come along the way when I give my all to what I do. Trust that it doesn't have to work out right now for me to do my best anyway. the change in me is so much more immediate than the change in the universe. as above, so below.

Saturday, March 3, 2012


Today I posted a controversial photo of a child being taunted by an armed soldier. My friend questioned its authenticity and said I should post only uplifting photos. I deleted him and explained why. Most of my friends agreed with me except Ron Surface. He loves what I post but agrees everything is vibration and I am not creating a higher one with the photo. It made me think all day about what I can create to shine on the darkness. When I criticize, I was as aggravating as the one who criticized me. Listening and responding, and what we can do with our lives, as examples and as free humans, I have not even begun to ponder.
What am I doing with my knowledge? How many people does it take to know something before it can be changed? What problems do I have that I could fix first before taking on bigger ones I may be unable to fix? There's so much I don't know about me, and that is what I can change and that is what the world needs. Someone who has done their own work.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

back from the dead

John came home 2 weeks ago and we finally got to hang out tonight. While he was in a coma he said he traveled astrally and he saw bodies as light. The car accident that broke his neck changed his life and led to the drug addiction that almost killed him, but he was not ready to die because of his daughter Luna. we all have our time. we can't avoid it or escape it, and we should welcome it and embrace it. and treat it gently.
Brandy wants to learn how to make soap. I told her about Village Herbals. She wants to use gems for reiki. She wants to buy more dresses. I talked to Dawn about yoga and she said go for it. Maybe I can do it in a yurt. having a vision, putting it together, sticking with it and learning and growing from mistakes is what i need to make the most of my gifts. the neural pathways we use grow stronger, the ones we don't use, die. Truly using our brain to full capacity is possible and would change our world. making every choice with open eyes and open hearts makes us wiser. we don't have to learn the hard way but the pain is the cure and with every hardship is ease.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

The pain is the cure

Get real. Bring those skeletons out to dance. Daniel is moving next week to Colorado. This was the first long weekend in a while. exchanging energy can be called work or joy. I can make the most of each day now more than ever. overcoming obstacles is a reason to reach higher. I have had meaningful experiences to learn from to grow into making new decisions for this moment. when you say you are shaped a certain way or on a certain path because of your choices that can count for you or against you. we are entering a world we've never seen. It is time to be kinder gentler wiser than I think I can even be.
Today it snowed, not sure if it will stick and cancel school. This winter so far had been really warm here, but really cold in the UK. Nadia loved playing in the lean-to. Throughout the day I felt many different emotions and saw how much a skill it is to control them, to redirect them, to find contentment in cocreation, and how the big picture all comes together from above . I suppose those are the nuts and bolts of emotional inteligence. I often have an urge to be alone, or wish that Nadia didn't talk so much, but I realized this was a great gift, from Allah. It was exactly what I had been seeking. Everything was coming together, and flowing, like a river to the ocean.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

yoga for unity

Yoga is Union. With the multiverse in you. You can do it once, sometimes, or regularly. Remembering, Approaching, Unfolding, Cocreating. I am here on the Earth as a Light Worker. This means I connect with it al because I connect with myself and center. l. Light is a wave and a particle. I observe but I am not just an observer. Sunday Nadia came with me to Yoga for Everyone. Part of the time she followed along and part of the time she just meditated by herself. The class was packed. Any day now I should be accepted into the program. It is from August til May 2013. The second weekend of each month. I have the daily goal of one hour a day for yoga. A goal that I can meet on my own that I know takes commitment to onserve change. the action is the change. Everything else centers around that hour. I got permission to get a license, so I am going to start out just practicing with Marc.
Marcia took Nadia and I to Starbucks and shopping in Asheville. She gave me a yoga mat and Mother Earth News magazine. We may have Mom's party at Tall Trees. What is something out there that's made from your hands, that you've worked on for years? The thoughts and words can't get in the way. The doubt and fear are just a choice and escape. why blame them over and over, when you can choose to fight, with scrapes and scratches, and truly know the way and be free and real and brave as you were made to be and the world is in need of you to be.

Sunday, February 5, 2012


Gravity distorts time and space, all play off each other, light converted to massThe earth was created for a certain purpose before man existed. It is coveted for minerals. and for the unique variety of life and lands. many races of light beings have called this place home. starseeds are fully aware they are made of light. They have made such a distant vast journey and hold on to life in such a fragile way because of the energy of the light in us and love for self is key and grows infinitely and reflects infinitely in others which are candles of one flame. we are in this together if one is enslaved we're all enslaved.
MJ12 Majestic clearance, we come from plaeides to raise your frequency. the 6th sense or more. Isra wa miraj, muhasaba. dense plane telepathy creative power is restrained by the physical form. Some visit, some stay, some observe.
life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Why did we fight so hard for our own independence and freedom from the Brits who later thru british mandate drew arbitrary lines that we willingly took on to defend, The only benefit is to keep the MIC in place at our own expense divide and conquer us and them our enslavement and suppression.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Earths pyramids and beyond

Modern science can not explain how nor reproduce the results, of how the Egyptian pyramids were built. people falsely believe they entomb mummies
Free energy device? That would make building it easy.
Astronomically they line up with orion's belt
from above they are squares
they have been found under the sea
they have been found on other planets
one world culture based on shared knowledge
those who know prepare
the multiversal mind is now
let exeriences move through you in the now
Agartha, inner earth, creation is infinity embracing itself
a foolish faithin authority is an enemy of the truth ~ Einstein
Truth is light
Truth unites, lies divide
The answer is inside
Who will survive the turning of the tide?
Is it any more crazy to believe in ET than not?
Walk the walk alone with Allah

Monday, January 23, 2012

heart cave ashram

You are connected to the most Powerful. If we have incarnated then we have gone thru seperation pangs come into this world wounded. some of us heal our wounds heal others. It is as though there is an umbilical chord anchoring your physical body on this plane to express the soul. Visit daily. Sometimes you stray. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Each day is a new lesson to learn. No harm or benefit is outside of you. The soul mind and body are an amana. Slow is not far behind, it is reflective and steady. Nothing is missing or lacking. Full speed ahead Fast is pointing into the future, unknown, unseen, which requires trust.. Change on a grand scale is conducted inside all of us. The fractal creation in the mirror. the parts always becoming clearer, becoming whole. So all of us are fellow travelers applying knowledge the best we can at that moment. Remember your part of the whole. Give it your all and let it go. In my heart cave there is no other.

Monday, January 16, 2012


I was not born a butterfly. This process requires patience. My gift is always there subtley waiting. I need only to turn within and push forward. There is no start or finish line. There is no catalyst. There is no qualifier or quantifier. The to's and fro's of this journey connect me with the infinite waves of all oceans. This is the moment, the time to fly. There is no normal, it is all spontaneous.
The days we are here for this experience are few. Knowing how precarious existence is and the changes nature is going through all around us, is all the same message we are getting inside. Your center is the light that shines on all. knowing is half the battle, and at times makes the challenges that much harder. problems need solutions. Create by creative writing Because I have been given this chance to create I will live this day in gratitude, patience. The rest of mankind, the light and dark, can not and will not turn within without me. Open wide my eyes, heart, mind, home. Be a benefit to others, and make things easier for others.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

year of the dragon

The dragon holds a pearl of wisdom. I am more than a donkey carrying books. Remember what I know. the woman is the heart of the home. Calling angels and saints in. Count each day as our last or our first, so we can conquer death.The dragon slayer kills his ego. we remember death often so it does not haunt us. Dragons breathe fire and bring luck, so we should not hide from dragons, danger, or death. light is the flipside. we have a new chance each time we circle the sun.We know by calendars what to expect so we can prepare. yet even stars are not tied to fate. skies are made of suns moons and stars. they're required for life, yet are temporal so death without them is immenent. take heed and hear the warning so we ride out the storm like before. All this time listening to leaders has led us astray because they want us powerless. Power corrupts. And justice balances the scale.
what ark are we building? So many points are lining up. the rainbow tribe is formed slowly and surely. It was Brandy's birthday, Jon said we're their closest friends. Feelings and thoughts are fuel for fruitful action. There is a moment, a flash, before the plunge. Pause there. Make the intention to go on with no fear, no doubt. no looking back and no second guess. no regret.light upon light. I meet Allah alone. Strength is mine to gain. I am building my life boat true responsibility and self reliance, trust and what if we die?