Thursday, April 21, 2011

let the journey begin

my mom called and told me that Vickie passed away. she is the second of Granny's children to die before her. Granny worried so much about her. I told my mom that I was shocked she had lived that long. everyone was getting together a few days earlier and decided to invite Vickie so Andy went to her house. He knocked on the door and she didn't answer. He peaked in and could see her lying nude in the recliner and called 911. Mary's coworkers bought her a plane ticket and she is arriving today. Vickie's body will be cremated. She could have died from cirrhosis. Mary is leaving Saturday morning and the supposed gathering for Vickie/Easter was going to be Sunday before we got a hold of her. Hopefully we can acomodate her. we should not wait til funerals to visit eachother.
Of course, death is a doorway, it changes little. When we are not centered and connected to our inner selves and inner light then we are sucked dry by the gravity of this plane. Rather there is an ascension within us that awakens our true creator self with love first and foremost. just be love. it is not about the dual giving and receiving anymore, it is reflection and cocreation.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


cycles and spirals and layers shedding skin and transforming, ancient civilizations are alive in us, we are here now connecting to all other points in time space and dimensions beyond. Yesterday I went out to Tall Trees with Marcia. Steve talked about everything being a perception. I wonder who the true perceiver is. I wonder if we can alter perception and thus alter reality. As above , so below, we are the co creators that manifest Allah. Marcia talked about not caring about changing anyone or fighting against anyone but rather just loving people and helping them. As a draconian, the fight instinct in me is not in balance. I have fought to manifest here and now, and the message I get is that I can't forget what i've invested in, and what i've invested. If I can not remember then no one can.
as a wayfarer, as a sufi hippie mountain girl, a crunchy mama of the rainbow tribe, i connected with Liz, with Jolie, with Sefana, with my roots and the potential above. I have lost track of my center and have fallen into the victim role but I know the pain is the cure and that with Allah is the most firm handhold. Create love and healing, the infinite power that connects us all is a candle I light in me. the wayfarer seeks community everywhere, travels light and passes through. That is one reason I can let go. The sufi in me is for the gratitude and love. the hippie in me lives in balance with nature and creating a new culture. the mountain girl connects with the simple ways, the pioneering spirit and home roots that remain firm around all chaos.

Friday, April 8, 2011


Hers began

As all quests begin

How, a question beyond answers...

can one live in the now,

blocking out the pulling past and free falling future. that sounds so suffocating, maybe that is how i used to feel, but now...

i feel so connected

and grab hold to that veil

and tame it, grasp it, hold it down

if they're so distracted by its reflection

which must be oevercome,

to be able to READ Allah's signs

rather than just experiencing it,

submitting to it, surrenderign to it?

Don't miss the message to you

His Grace and Mercy and Blessings to you

and His Key to Paradise He is giving you.

Allah made the pen and told it to write.

on the preserved tablet

The Intellect, aql, reason, knowledge,

the pens are lifted and the ink is dried.

nothing is random

Where have I come from?

well, the moment that I forgot that I am merely an act of Allah,

and the ego descended to the level of duality,

I believed that I was of the world,

I believed that I was a child of my parents.

However, this was all part of the Divine Plan unfolding,

in this way, and only this way, could I have experienced, learned, what I did.

book notes

143 P in/organic WHAT IS LIFE, ENERGY, THE GRID?

148 P1 “it was so sad to be wiser than one’s nation…”

150 inequal

151 caussin “islam pol not spiritual

153 P1 repugnance vs. necessity

154 P1 annihilation, foundations of WS in Asia

P2 no individuals

161 one = all, text over human

166 turjaman interpreter, intermediary, spokesman

168 hafiz

172 omar in Europe

P2 Liberty

177 preferred descriptions to eye and mind


Social, economic and political unrest, high unemployment, and cost of living increases, low wages and increased debt. 1 million people go on strike. Troops sent out angered peasants and The army refused orders..the govt attacked germany and failed. Govt attacked demonstrators. Lenin went underground. Bolsheviks arrested and disarmed. Moscow went on strike. Moscow (komilov) troops moved toward Petrograd. (st. Petersburg) Bolsheviks united with Petrograd to defeat the komolov revolt. The red guard had the capital. Defeat weakened counter revolutionary group. Soviets of Petrograd and moscow joined Bolshevik insurgents. led to an Armed insurrection (October Revolution) in 1917 overthrew Russian provisional govt gave power to soviets, mostly Bolsheviks. Followed by Russian civil war and the creation of soviet union in 1922. Bolshevik red gaurds took over govt buildings,uprising in st. Petersburg, Petrograd, almost bloodless revolt. The new govt was declared. Then opposition parties were arrested. Cheka was created by decree of Lenin. Legalized the seizing and redistributing of Russian land, representing “an alliance of workers and peasants”. Banks nationalized, factories given to soviets, private bank accounts and church assets seized, wages raised, work day shortened, foreign debt absolved. Bolsheviks easily seized more power of Russia, but not nonRussian areas. Ukraine independent from Russia. Estonia independent 1918. oct. revolution socialized Russia. Civil war against Bolsheviks from 1918 to 1922. 1st communist govt that led to USSR. Europe recognized new govt and did business in the 20s. usa recognized govt in the 30s. USSR from 1922 to 1991.

Saturday, April 2, 2011


there's a balance between stability and change. One day at a time.

draft 1

the brainstorming and sowing the seeds. I have lots of good ideas. I have to believe in my ability to turn them into realities.

and the sowing of the garden is the editing, paying attention to details and placing value on my work.

2 distinct steps of a process. like the spiritual path, one must take the medicine given by the shaykh. One step towards Allah and He takes 10 steps towards you. Maybe, I am just overwhelmed by what that closeness will mean. closer than my jugular vein, in Allah's hand. it is more than ideas, thoughts what good is it if i simply write things down and don't read them. Allah created the intellect first and now I know why. It is because the Pen would write in the Lahw Mahfooz which is the soul, in order to be known, and read, because that is the first word revealed.

Words spoken, written, must be discovered, understood, returned to, explored gain and improve them, what value do they have? connect them, publish/share them...and above all, act on them, change my behavior, change my thought processes and my actions, towards what I know is best. If I don't learn from my mistakes I will keep making them. it's like nurturing a garden, aka jannah, if my niyyah is for Allah. I am molding clay, painting a portrait, i just have to really focus on that and remember it. Perhaps I am overly emphasizing on the abstract and not enough of the concrete.

distractions are from shaytan we give the most to what has the most value, and that makes us the ahlul akhirah. That is really what I want to be. Interesting, that my father has taken that step so early in my life, and that has influenced how I live my life here and my attitude toward the hereafter. Yet, again, what about the DEEDS? perhaps it is a combination of not having or knowing stability, and not having enough faith in myself, that prevents me from striving for success. However, that is just an excuse and I know much more stability than many people. I am a feather that has softly landed.

Friday, April 1, 2011

iran contra

Oliver North was in the military served in Nam, marines under his command were charged with mass killings of civilians in vietnam. Then he got a promotion and served in japan. Then he served in VA for 4 yrs and got promoted. 2 yrs at camp legume, he became religious. Then he went to the naval war academy. Then he was in the NSC from 81 to 86. Got promotion. His job was to find those responsible for the 1983 Beirut bombings. Planned invasion of Granada and Bombing of Libya. During his trial, he was restationed. Boland Amendment forbids selling arms to rebels, which he funded contras. He funneled money thru the “national Endowment for the Preservation of Liberty” to the contras thru Palmer National Bank. where he sold guns to Iran to get hostages from Lebanon. And proceeds funding contra rebels in nicuragua. Met with Pres Noreaga of panama. If US sells arms to Panama, they will take care of the sandanista leadership. “Project Democracy” funds from selling arms to Iran, to pay noreaga to destroy nicuragua’s economy. 86, the sales were made public and raegan fired him, North admitted he lied to congress and said he felt the contras were freedom fighters and thought the scheme was a “neat idea”. Charged with 3 felonies, served 3 yrs, ACLU said he had immunity when he testified and that any info given by him couldn’t be used. Court of appeals reversed his conviction, supreme court won’t review case. charges dismissed in 91. He had to find a way around the Bolin Act in order to transport drugs to fund rebels. Palmer used a plane to smuggle drugs, paid out of an office overseen by north, to ferry supplies to contras. Noriega on trial, pilot says I flew drugs into the us and weapons to contras. Judge refused to allow north to answer if he had any knowledge of this. He also dealed in costa rica and was banned from costa rica. North denies trafficking drugs even though his notebooks are full of proof which have been censored and edited. North shredded documents before the trial. 1994 north ran for senate. Nancy Reagan said he lied to her husband and he lost. He raised 20 million for his campaign, the most ever. Best selling author and war corespondant and syndicated colomnist, radio host, tv show host, guest on hannity and fox news. Appeared as himself on wings and jag, MSNBC, promotes military service,

Without US military support, the 2 sides negotiated. Contra is anti Sandinista. Sandanistas took over the gov. in 06 North came to Nicuragua. He warned against Ortega, and sandanistas return to power. North supports PLC party, US supports anti PLC party. Ortega won.