Wednesday, December 28, 2011

a new dimension

Worship turns your flame into fire
the light is a bright inferno
iresistable and subtle is merciful love
The eyes can only see what's inside. It is absorbed. It is not out there.
what we view is a projection of what we don't.
Now that I am less attached to illusions, I have to adjust to trust.
Danielle came over today and pointed out that the learning and growing we are doing IS doing something. The universe changes and arranges according to you and for you. The expectation of what I should be doing is a burden to release. Remember what I know and use it to help and heal my self and home and things will grow from there. Healing wounds requires you to acknowledge them. The mirror can't contain what it reflects. My daily journey around the sun is a beautiful poem I share. Thoughts and feelings expressed through action, both large and small, both for myself and others, without doubt or fear.

Monday, December 26, 2011

christmas and more

As the earth tilts on its axis, there is so much going on. How different is life when driven by choice? It is all out on the table and up to me. The days are growing shorter. Time is running out to adjust. you choose how you react and live. what matters more? what matters less? what drives you? what is your vision? what do you create? what can you share? what can you give?
Muharram, Winter solstice, Nadia's birthday, Christmas and 2012. It is at full blast volume and full speed. To see so much more than before and in new ways every day. the more you learn the less you know. its all about the experience, not the knowledge. does it change you? asking for help is okay. the cool calm center i will create in my heart cave comes from being an observer. active participation, karmic duty and partnership forms at home and family. work effort and action enjoyed. This center and union is my yoga.
christmas eve morning we went to rosemary's house. she cooked up a storm, and then to Ernie's church service. we got there about 10 minutes late but it was still worth it. It was packed, mostly full of old people. The sermon was about how the scandal of the birth of jesus went against all the taboos of purity and that we should reconsider when we see others as such. Then we went to Ernie's house for a visit. Bob was there, quite rare. Tom came too. A friend from the church ate dinner with us since he had no family there. It was great to see Sarah too. We followed Joe to his house and hung out with his friends for a while. He showed us his turn tables. Then Christmas morning we went to Anderson and had dinner on the boathouse. Matt and Kayla are back together. Today we drove up to Tall Trees, and Mom was there. then Marc took us to Olive Garden.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


The part is repeated in the whole, the whole is repeated in parts. Our life is made up of a number of days, breaths. We can choose to travel to any of those days. We are going supposedly around the sun, yet the sun is moving as well. Wherever you try to divide, the whole manifests. As above so below, there is a universe in every cell. When the infinite becomes finite there can only be infinity.
there's a difference between information, knowledge, and wisdom. The difference is perspective, is it mind body or soul? Everyone has the inner core of purity and surrender. We know we are one, some forget, and are divided and conquered. The true you was there before your parents met. The unity of opposites, the polarities entering oneness, is waiting for you. Go back again. We do not have to buy into a cliche of innocence lost. The drops in the ocean are riding the wave until they crash into the shore.
Pay attention and don't look away. The new and strange can be just as beautiful as scary. Don't panic or give up. Use what I know so I don't repeat the same mistakes. Believe and do good deeds.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

i am a feather softly landed

The wind carries me to and fro. As soon as I'm settled it picks me up again. It may seem haphazard, but it is not. Gazing upon the Beloved is the most sweet separation. Our souls are still echoing the call to the Divine. Some are sleeping deeply, some are stirring, and some have opened their eyes. It is a continuous circle of Creation. Whatever you turn away from follows you and returns. These dense bodies on this earthly plane deceives so many, as is part of the process. Our focus is constantly pulled this way or that. The experience of waking up and learning is both painful and beautiful. The speed and intensity of the inner pull is increasing. The challenge is what do we do once we've awoken? Nothing can compare to being there. When you just react and respond you lose touch with your potential and your purpose.
I think so often of death, yet still fear much of life. Again this comes from the mind and not from love or creativity. What is life and death after all? Those are now meaningless dualities. If I struggle and strive then I will truly be alive. I have come to this place and time to play a role here on this planet and the universe. The struggle can not be denied, delayed, or neglected. Loving or hating the struggle doesn't even matter, for this is a stage one must go through to surpass.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Black Friday

early Thanksgiving Day, there was a surge of dark or chaotic energy, and it must always be balanced with harmonic and centering energy, which we seemingly willed. We knew it would be okay in the end but the alchemy and magic necessary came through the chaos. Maybe like a healing from the pain of the genocide. Surrender to what is beyond your control while striving to perfect what is, in a new, true, way, today.
The madness of a lost society! I was able to make a joke to kim about pepper sraying at Wal Mart. I am making some good friends here in the mountains. The mountain girl is finding her tribe. It is a gathering of like minds and kindred spirits and higher vibrations. Danielle came to visit today.We both want to intentionally create and are shifting. I gave her a rose quartz. The weather was perfect. We hung out in the backyard and walked up to the Lodge. I know the neighborhood is great, yet I don't know many neighbors. It was different to tell a newer friend what I thought was possible here, and that I had been the feather softly landed for over a year. This is the 10 wave and they are faster and shorter each time. Time is shorter and faster and more intense.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

no excuses

For quite some time I had been looking forward to 11/11/11. Intention is everything. If you believe in something you give it power. We go through lives believing things happen to us or we make them happen.
The obstacle or challenge is like a wall I build and hide behind.
I have reacted to circumstances, and seen the difference when I made choices and acted creatively. The message of 11:11 is to pay attention and make a wish. Slowly but surely we are waking up to realize All mankind is on a journey together.
Each of us are taking unique paths along the way.We play a part and some do willingly and consciously. This is the stage of The awakening, the revolution, the ascension, all of it is beyond the beyond. There is no duality TO transcend. When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.This is the moment for union.
The yoga class was great, I enjoyed Brad's presence and guidance. Yoga is something I have to do physically mentally and spiritually by myself for myself and I can share .yesterday Marc was off, we got oils at Smileys and we met Danielle and Tommye. Their house was fun, being there was like home. We called it Day 1. Tommye gave me an energy healing. Marc took Nadia and me to IHOP.
What magical beauty do I possess to make and create and express
from the gifts of experience I've
collected along the way?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

no shadow

Allah's Light is revealed through the darkness of creation. The rise and fall of nations. the tests of loss of life and property, the blessings of love and light. we must face these opposites to see beyond them. Inside you is everything. There is a give and take, a push and pull when the infinite soul is confined to its earthly vessel. We are spinning and whirling through space and time as it bends and twists and folds in on itself. The echo of Be and it is, wraps us in a warm womb. I look back only for clues and for an understanding of what is happening now. No one and nothing is ever lost, but forever part of me. The battle is sure to be lost, if my inner eye is diverted. The true essence of me was present in this realm before my parents met. Then I had openness and trust to take on this challenge. The web interconnects us all so we can regain whatever part of ourselves we have forgotten, like an umbilical chord. The pain of separation is worth suffering through, to experience the reunion. We know what's missing and we know we're looking, that drive to actualize what you know within. There is hope and a reason to build our paradise here.
The good fight, the dance of polarities, until separation dissolves, is what I came for. I know that this realm is a reflection of eternity, and my challenge is Accepting and embracing without questioning. How do you plant a seed and care for it, and then when it blooms leave it? If you are fully conscious and present in what you do then you are not attached to the outcome but merely grateful to play a part.

Saturday, September 24, 2011


Sumerians named all planets in our solar system. Inana - ishtar- snakes - dna Enlil agriculture planet x
what does it take to make heaven at home? live in the light, the star you are. we are here to make mu. we can see Lemuria in our lifetime. whenever we choose. some use 5 or 6 senses. cause, effect, serve and give and sacrifice. the cycle of struggle and ease on the path. chakras are light bodies and gateways for consciousness enter light body.
1783 Paris Peace Treaty, esquires in US.
quiet and shy, music, nature, Appalaichain culture, this day could be your last, show love, live with nature, off the grid, listen to yourself and wise people, grab an open mic. love is all you need, the earth needs more love, so stay focused on self home family friends goals skills for love seasons cycles always remember Allah and yourself

Thursday, September 22, 2011


the all seeing eye is Sirius. Horus. The son of Isis and Oiris, the god of the underworld. Death and Resurrection to eternal life, the pharoah is the incarnation of Osiris on Earth. Sirius rises with the sun, rises from the East. Dogstar. Low level sun god. middle, energy behind the sun, top level, sirius.
become an observer, "Fire in the minds of men"
Promethius stole fire from the gods for men.
Brotherhood of the Bell
moscow, fasci axis powers

Saturday, September 17, 2011

self knowledge

I fought to come here, to arrive, and to stay here. This strength was hidden deep within and forgotten. Whatever the infinite is, my experience in space is quite different. From the ocean of stars to the ocean of the womb, the world needed me in the flesh, the light in humble form.

The unexamined life is not worth living. Knowing of the struggles in my ancient past had given me a warped perspective I battle with to this day. Battle scars are a sign of strength, not a flaw. My worth and strength doesn’t need to be shown to anyone but myself. If I know it and live it then that is all that matters. What things are supposed to be or should be is anyone’s guess. It is a life of a bird in a cage to live by broken expectations of a past or a future beyond your control.

Being awake and aware of the illusions of the world are of no benefit if I do not awaken to the power within. Only that awareness can defeat the Illuminati.

Thursday, September 15, 2011


If hate were stronger than love we wouldn't have lasted. That duality is a veil of illusion. Allah's merciful womb prevails over His Wrathful dunya. We remember Him and we find peace, we forget Him and we find troubles. The problems we face are given to us because we CAN find solutions. It just Is. Atlantis, Lemuria, and so on. Its all about doing what you can, love serve remember, as an observer.
Out of the blue I got a request from a name I half recognized on Facebook, and my suspicions were right. A flood of emotions and memories came back of the days a decade earlier, when I had first seen Ihsan's mother praying. To think of all I had gone through, with her and since saying goodbye to Ihsan for her, and all that had transpired those years in Cali, really overwhelmed me, broke me down, cured and healed me, and gave me such peace and acceptance of the experiences and its lessons. Hey, just an observer!
Along with the gathering at the Light Center a day before full of those interested in healing and the truth of 9/11, it was a great opening of the heart to the path I travel. Hope brings healing.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


A while back, I saw a flyer for Yoga Instructor Training. I later thought more deeply about it and became inspired to pursue it. I realize that I don't quite think act or feel like a yoga instructor, but since the semester won't start for a few months, I have some time to switch gears. I still honor the fighter and warrior, but in a different way. I left a message and finally got a call back. It was a wonderful conversation and I am so excited about taking some classes!
I also finally called the number I found for Southern Hospitality, and she feeds the homeless. What a great person to connect with.

Nearness to Allah is bliss, and distance from Him is agony. So I can fight for bliss, fight for nearness and oppose all the forces that try to separate us. The most difficult battle is within. I can remember that we're all fighting a battle, and we're all hurting, to repel evil with good, and that we have no enemies. We get defensive when we forget Allah. He teaches us through ease and hardship, and I must put my trust in Him, to put me where I need to be, and to show me the work to be done for unity and healing. I must believe in my ability to heal myself and to guide others to find that for themselves. We flourish when we reach for the sun, not when we run from the clouds.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Kamal sent me a folder full of papers from college, including the Career Planning Class I was taking when 9/11 happened. I had forgotten how much I had put into the class, and out of it. The Meyers Briggs personality test was most interesting. The career choices were interesting as well. I am not so sure if college is the way there. I do love the idea of Warren Wilson, the place, the people, it does come together so nicely, however, I may be able to fulfill all that without college, one important lesson college taught me.
I also realized how much fear had shaped so many choices between then and now, and all the habits that keep me from realizing my full potential. I am the feather that has softly landed. I have all the answers in me from my intuition and my experiences. Now living each day as my last, and as a new fresh start, I have more hope and sharper vision.
Introvert Intuitive Feeling Judging is one of the rarest types, many are empaths or see visions.

Monday, July 25, 2011

grow inward and upward

We spent the day at Tall Trees. the land of potentials and possibilities. we all have them, we all face them on many levels. Thunderstorms chased us but never got us. I'll always be a rainbow. Steve was the only one home. Seeds growing into seedlings, starting from scratch, is not the way for me.As I looked around seeing old blend into new I saw what to carry with me as I made my own way. Settling down and into the home and holding it down and steady, is a mental exercise. I did come here so I must be fully present. We never die. If that transformation from first to second chakra is to take place then it is about me putting myself into one thing at a time. Other things will shoot up, only with my full focus being within.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


i turn 30 years old today. I have come far in understanding myself and the world. I'm still taking baby steps yet I have seen the depths of the journey home. The greatest blessing is embracing your own gifts that the mother needs from you. there is a bond with her and all things that comes and goes in cycles like a dance. having the connection and understanding of something beyond life, beyond the grave, early on, how to connect to it and grow from it on the other levels that are you.
i've gone so far in seeing through the grand delusions of the herd, and done so much that i should give myself love and credit for and be content with, if i died tonight. yet, i have wisdom from my experience to guide my next step if the path is there. Allow my gifts to grow so they give me more joy and heal others. sometimes hope is all you have.

Friday, July 15, 2011


I always have been Growing roots. No use in sliding back down the same old trap. Build up what no man can destroy. I am prepared and equipped for my mission. I know I've been chosen, and can no longer wake people up, as it is only my own waking that I control. Knowing what tools I have to work with is just the beginning. I must master them. Ask myself what I am doing and what do I have to show for it? I know my ideas and thoughts are worth acting on, and I know that there is a point in action no matter the results. The tree appears beautiful above the ground but it is the roots that sustain it. I am building a lifeboat out of my experiences. To be fully present and aware of the moment I am working on and building, I can see my vision in my mind, without seeing it finished with my hands. The energy is put out and whatever is needed to see it to an end will come to it, because it is Allah that put the vision there. The moment I fail, falter, forget, can not overtake me and overpower me any longer. Survival will not allow it.

Thursday, July 14, 2011


The first stage of the path is survival. what does that mean? we never die. that got us all here, that we agreed to share, is not so simple. There is so much courage and strength involved. The strongest challenges as well, to prepare the next generation for the second chakra, which is sharing, union, communion. They can not be done in reverse as has been the case for a long time when families are destroyed. people mistake relationships for survival and necessity when it is with themselves survival begins. It is not about acceptance or approval of another, but knowing the fighter within that is here for a reason and stays strong. survival may depend on your own family or may extend to a tribe. shared interest. The best gift you can give another at any time or place is love. once you have tuned into it and stick with it the love grows and glows like a flaming fire. It can never lessen by sharing. there is nothing to lose, so nothing to fear, no competition.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Progress or Destruction?

We are travelers, visitors, strangers. this place we hold is one strand of many. it is us that have been given this position. We will one day bid this plane farewell and ascend. How far we have strayed from indigenous ways. The only way home is to listen. The worship of knowledge is the downfall of man. Gathering it and concealing it and manipulating it, is not what it's for, it will be taken from us again. We have faced this cycle many times and it is time to break free. The true power is in the experience. Cooperate, collaborate, intentional community, bonfires, drum circles, potlucks, co-ops. The reptilian instinct of survival and self preservation is overcome and advanced with trust to reach the second levels and beyond. Union means there is no destruction, that releases the fear of the unknown or unseen. As Sebastian promised in the Never Ending Story, I must do what I dream. I know and must remember through the swamp of sadness. The light worker is such because she is industrious and hopeful, there is always success is in the attempt. It is the idea that lives on.

Monday, June 27, 2011

create a vortex of divine love and compassion

A few days ago my uncle Bob was scheduled for a biopsy. There was a universal meditation to create a vortex of divine love and compassion, and my aunt told me that Bob's doctor called off the biopsy for another week to see if antibiotics could work. To ponder more deeply on divine love and compassion reminds me that everyone is suffering and struggling, even the dark ones. The battle is not to be won but neutralized. A vortex is a whirl wind or a whirl pool, which builds up slowly but surely and sweeps everything in its path along with it. more strength can be gathered up if we connect with those we share the message with, find our tribe, then its pull will suffice for action. building up and giving strength to light and the good will outshine the darkness. you can not turn the darkness into light by exposing it or defining it, but by giving it contrast and balance. to fight against something is different than to fight for something.
divine love has no judgement or hesitation or limitation. the same divine love that sustains me and shines on me, shines on and sustains every creation, and that conflict and friction is part of the creation process. there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to fear, there is nothing to doubt. all of those emotions come from the viewpoint of finitude. the love that sustains creation is never ending, therefore, losing this earthly life is like a snake shedding it's skin. i want to leave the Earth better than I found it, as the First Tribes taught

Monday, June 20, 2011

positive healing energy and love day

the reptilian is not self sustaining, it leeches from others.The Kundalini is rising up from reptile to man, from survival to thriving, from self directing to inspiring, knowing all the openings in the body mind and spirit to absorb all the energies and sustain ourselves, to heal and u7plif and transform and transmute ourselves, others, and our enviornments.
that is the constant change, that is going with the flow.the choice of using what is given and makng something beautiful.
the collective is reflective of my ego. I can only answer for me and speak for me. However the problems are easier to blame on "we the people". Where is my energy going? rally round the family, the battle against the new world order is nothing more than a battle against shaitan.
finding the interconnectedness, the dark in the light and light in the dark is a strength i bring to these times. There is a tug of war to keep us alive and on our feet and humble and brave. Stand together or hang separately. We have all been injured and weakened, we can remember that we are in this together against those who want us divided against eachother for their benefit. whatever takes away more of our choices and makes us weaker.
Sunday, the day of the sun, the closest star, a white dwarf. we are spinning around this sun, but there may be another, called Nibiru. This reflects the question of choice. Do we choose to look a what we know, which makes us accountable, or question the unknown? Does a hidden sun change Earth or do we? How strong is Positive Healing Energy and Love Day?
This event happened to also fall on Father's Day. I am a Lowrance girl and I am connected. I got what I wanted so many times, have faith in the universe. I am missing out on so much more by hiding and running. what you run from pursues you. Marc and I spent the night saturday at Matt's and Sunday went out on the house boat with Tim and Sylvia. I imagined living at sea as my ancestor sir francis drake did, and those settlers who came to the new world. There is so much under us and behind us, we needlessly stumble in the dark by ignoring it. I am not sure if it is Tim or not but it was someone under his sign that Mona said I needed to call a truce with. I can only see it as an issue of seeing anyone as "us" and "them". anyone that comes off as the other, because I don't identify with thier life or style or choices, a truce helps me, which is all I should focus on.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

rainbow warrior

the rainbow warrior chose to come here to connect
at this special time of change
we know we never die
bring out the best in you
despite what results appear
the potential is great for either good or bad
we can win the battle with peace and love
but we will defend what's right.
to take this role requires deep reflection and purification.
the prophet muhammad (SAW) had his heart opened out of his chest
and later spent many nights in meditation on the divine
until he was finally ready for revelation.
the revelation process took 23 years, the transformation was a gradual one.
like the water dripping on the rock wears it away slowly
the small deed continuously weighs more heavily
than the occasional grand deed.
the starseed and soul family is part of a larger galactic family

Monday, June 13, 2011

reach out

the ocean's tide and its moon are so powerful. the depths are mysterious and forbidding. her phases come and go, like the seasons, the change is a rhythm, the Earth speaking and connecting to us. the senses remind us to be grateful for the experience of the body and life. The heart, soul, mind, and other gifts lie waiting for us to claim as our own. This moment in time as an ever changing process, brought us all together. Will we be truly present and aware of our connection, and choose something greater than us?

Saturday, June 4, 2011


intention is energy. creation is synergy. what power we have when we see ourselves as co-creators and making choices for a greater purpose. so many just swallow what is spoon fed, not aware of what is within them and all around them. they are takers and consumers and thus slaves. others refuse to accept and believe what is given and sustain themselves and others, centered and connected to mother, to gaia. a birth is a painful and beautiful experience.
draconian face the dark, acknowledge it, and create light. the womb is dark and protective but at a certain time the fetus bids it farewell. only those awake can create the new earth in 5d by connecting to themselves the earth and each other. alchemy requires us to shed the old and embrace the strange and unfamiliar. it is up to me, i have chosen it and have to embrace and live the butterfly effect.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Marc Nadia and I went to visit Linda and Mona. The drive wasn't bad at all, I hope we can come again soon. I was so glad to have my family with me there to connect with my friends. It was encouraging that so many like minds were getting togetgher. I thought about what we really have that is ours and what we can make or create and how to unite for solutions and waking up the sheep. I saw how it is all about being centered. The source is the center. We are all in a state of flux, everything is upside down, which allows for great potential. Linda hung out with Nadia for a while, playing cards and the rest of us went outside. Then we all played games and walked around. I got some oils and seeds from Mona and she gave me a tarot reading.
Energy to strength. Look to that fight. Don't get into battles. Truce. Let go of expectations. Ego is the appreciation of what you have.
Libra (sep 23-oct22) change perspective
June 21 celebrate
I am protected
~Later I understood that battle or fight I need to avoid is with Israel and US military. then we can all ascend.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

let the journey begin

my mom called and told me that Vickie passed away. she is the second of Granny's children to die before her. Granny worried so much about her. I told my mom that I was shocked she had lived that long. everyone was getting together a few days earlier and decided to invite Vickie so Andy went to her house. He knocked on the door and she didn't answer. He peaked in and could see her lying nude in the recliner and called 911. Mary's coworkers bought her a plane ticket and she is arriving today. Vickie's body will be cremated. She could have died from cirrhosis. Mary is leaving Saturday morning and the supposed gathering for Vickie/Easter was going to be Sunday before we got a hold of her. Hopefully we can acomodate her. we should not wait til funerals to visit eachother.
Of course, death is a doorway, it changes little. When we are not centered and connected to our inner selves and inner light then we are sucked dry by the gravity of this plane. Rather there is an ascension within us that awakens our true creator self with love first and foremost. just be love. it is not about the dual giving and receiving anymore, it is reflection and cocreation.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


cycles and spirals and layers shedding skin and transforming, ancient civilizations are alive in us, we are here now connecting to all other points in time space and dimensions beyond. Yesterday I went out to Tall Trees with Marcia. Steve talked about everything being a perception. I wonder who the true perceiver is. I wonder if we can alter perception and thus alter reality. As above , so below, we are the co creators that manifest Allah. Marcia talked about not caring about changing anyone or fighting against anyone but rather just loving people and helping them. As a draconian, the fight instinct in me is not in balance. I have fought to manifest here and now, and the message I get is that I can't forget what i've invested in, and what i've invested. If I can not remember then no one can.
as a wayfarer, as a sufi hippie mountain girl, a crunchy mama of the rainbow tribe, i connected with Liz, with Jolie, with Sefana, with my roots and the potential above. I have lost track of my center and have fallen into the victim role but I know the pain is the cure and that with Allah is the most firm handhold. Create love and healing, the infinite power that connects us all is a candle I light in me. the wayfarer seeks community everywhere, travels light and passes through. That is one reason I can let go. The sufi in me is for the gratitude and love. the hippie in me lives in balance with nature and creating a new culture. the mountain girl connects with the simple ways, the pioneering spirit and home roots that remain firm around all chaos.

Friday, April 8, 2011


Hers began

As all quests begin

How, a question beyond answers...

can one live in the now,

blocking out the pulling past and free falling future. that sounds so suffocating, maybe that is how i used to feel, but now...

i feel so connected

and grab hold to that veil

and tame it, grasp it, hold it down

if they're so distracted by its reflection

which must be oevercome,

to be able to READ Allah's signs

rather than just experiencing it,

submitting to it, surrenderign to it?

Don't miss the message to you

His Grace and Mercy and Blessings to you

and His Key to Paradise He is giving you.

Allah made the pen and told it to write.

on the preserved tablet

The Intellect, aql, reason, knowledge,

the pens are lifted and the ink is dried.

nothing is random

Where have I come from?

well, the moment that I forgot that I am merely an act of Allah,

and the ego descended to the level of duality,

I believed that I was of the world,

I believed that I was a child of my parents.

However, this was all part of the Divine Plan unfolding,

in this way, and only this way, could I have experienced, learned, what I did.

book notes

143 P in/organic WHAT IS LIFE, ENERGY, THE GRID?

148 P1 “it was so sad to be wiser than one’s nation…”

150 inequal

151 caussin “islam pol not spiritual

153 P1 repugnance vs. necessity

154 P1 annihilation, foundations of WS in Asia

P2 no individuals

161 one = all, text over human

166 turjaman interpreter, intermediary, spokesman

168 hafiz

172 omar in Europe

P2 Liberty

177 preferred descriptions to eye and mind


Social, economic and political unrest, high unemployment, and cost of living increases, low wages and increased debt. 1 million people go on strike. Troops sent out angered peasants and The army refused orders..the govt attacked germany and failed. Govt attacked demonstrators. Lenin went underground. Bolsheviks arrested and disarmed. Moscow went on strike. Moscow (komilov) troops moved toward Petrograd. (st. Petersburg) Bolsheviks united with Petrograd to defeat the komolov revolt. The red guard had the capital. Defeat weakened counter revolutionary group. Soviets of Petrograd and moscow joined Bolshevik insurgents. led to an Armed insurrection (October Revolution) in 1917 overthrew Russian provisional govt gave power to soviets, mostly Bolsheviks. Followed by Russian civil war and the creation of soviet union in 1922. Bolshevik red gaurds took over govt buildings,uprising in st. Petersburg, Petrograd, almost bloodless revolt. The new govt was declared. Then opposition parties were arrested. Cheka was created by decree of Lenin. Legalized the seizing and redistributing of Russian land, representing “an alliance of workers and peasants”. Banks nationalized, factories given to soviets, private bank accounts and church assets seized, wages raised, work day shortened, foreign debt absolved. Bolsheviks easily seized more power of Russia, but not nonRussian areas. Ukraine independent from Russia. Estonia independent 1918. oct. revolution socialized Russia. Civil war against Bolsheviks from 1918 to 1922. 1st communist govt that led to USSR. Europe recognized new govt and did business in the 20s. usa recognized govt in the 30s. USSR from 1922 to 1991.

Saturday, April 2, 2011


there's a balance between stability and change. One day at a time.

draft 1

the brainstorming and sowing the seeds. I have lots of good ideas. I have to believe in my ability to turn them into realities.

and the sowing of the garden is the editing, paying attention to details and placing value on my work.

2 distinct steps of a process. like the spiritual path, one must take the medicine given by the shaykh. One step towards Allah and He takes 10 steps towards you. Maybe, I am just overwhelmed by what that closeness will mean. closer than my jugular vein, in Allah's hand. it is more than ideas, thoughts what good is it if i simply write things down and don't read them. Allah created the intellect first and now I know why. It is because the Pen would write in the Lahw Mahfooz which is the soul, in order to be known, and read, because that is the first word revealed.

Words spoken, written, must be discovered, understood, returned to, explored gain and improve them, what value do they have? connect them, publish/share them...and above all, act on them, change my behavior, change my thought processes and my actions, towards what I know is best. If I don't learn from my mistakes I will keep making them. it's like nurturing a garden, aka jannah, if my niyyah is for Allah. I am molding clay, painting a portrait, i just have to really focus on that and remember it. Perhaps I am overly emphasizing on the abstract and not enough of the concrete.

distractions are from shaytan we give the most to what has the most value, and that makes us the ahlul akhirah. That is really what I want to be. Interesting, that my father has taken that step so early in my life, and that has influenced how I live my life here and my attitude toward the hereafter. Yet, again, what about the DEEDS? perhaps it is a combination of not having or knowing stability, and not having enough faith in myself, that prevents me from striving for success. However, that is just an excuse and I know much more stability than many people. I am a feather that has softly landed.

Friday, April 1, 2011

iran contra

Oliver North was in the military served in Nam, marines under his command were charged with mass killings of civilians in vietnam. Then he got a promotion and served in japan. Then he served in VA for 4 yrs and got promoted. 2 yrs at camp legume, he became religious. Then he went to the naval war academy. Then he was in the NSC from 81 to 86. Got promotion. His job was to find those responsible for the 1983 Beirut bombings. Planned invasion of Granada and Bombing of Libya. During his trial, he was restationed. Boland Amendment forbids selling arms to rebels, which he funded contras. He funneled money thru the “national Endowment for the Preservation of Liberty” to the contras thru Palmer National Bank. where he sold guns to Iran to get hostages from Lebanon. And proceeds funding contra rebels in nicuragua. Met with Pres Noreaga of panama. If US sells arms to Panama, they will take care of the sandanista leadership. “Project Democracy” funds from selling arms to Iran, to pay noreaga to destroy nicuragua’s economy. 86, the sales were made public and raegan fired him, North admitted he lied to congress and said he felt the contras were freedom fighters and thought the scheme was a “neat idea”. Charged with 3 felonies, served 3 yrs, ACLU said he had immunity when he testified and that any info given by him couldn’t be used. Court of appeals reversed his conviction, supreme court won’t review case. charges dismissed in 91. He had to find a way around the Bolin Act in order to transport drugs to fund rebels. Palmer used a plane to smuggle drugs, paid out of an office overseen by north, to ferry supplies to contras. Noriega on trial, pilot says I flew drugs into the us and weapons to contras. Judge refused to allow north to answer if he had any knowledge of this. He also dealed in costa rica and was banned from costa rica. North denies trafficking drugs even though his notebooks are full of proof which have been censored and edited. North shredded documents before the trial. 1994 north ran for senate. Nancy Reagan said he lied to her husband and he lost. He raised 20 million for his campaign, the most ever. Best selling author and war corespondant and syndicated colomnist, radio host, tv show host, guest on hannity and fox news. Appeared as himself on wings and jag, MSNBC, promotes military service,

Without US military support, the 2 sides negotiated. Contra is anti Sandinista. Sandanistas took over the gov. in 06 North came to Nicuragua. He warned against Ortega, and sandanistas return to power. North supports PLC party, US supports anti PLC party. Ortega won.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

brotherhood of the dragon

just who was Sir Francis Drake? What is it going to take for me to dig for the truth? Is he of the Rosicrucians? The Rosy Cross? Is that the templars? The confrontation I had yesterday with Marc taught me that I have to let go of anger and stop yelling, and Justin taught me that Love is the answer and we are One. Since I know this, I have to wonder why I am of this Bloodline and what balance is and how we wake up from the illusion of seperation. Some people question why we don't know, why we have to suffer, struggle, in order to reach Allah and grow. Why can't He tell us or appear they say? It is how you react and relate because the other person is you and needs your love. I must let go of the anger towards the soldiers. Leaving duality and entering Unity, Oneness is a painful experience, but that pain is the cure, it is a birthing or death or letting go or release, looking backwards from that, turning back from that.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


This year has definitely been transformative. The changes are one day and one person at a time, taking back our power and getting together. We are approaching critical mass. We know we're being manipulated and controlled and are ready to resist. For the past few weeks there has been an earthquake and tsunami in Japan that hit the Fukushima nuclear plant, thousands dead and missing, food and water contamination, and radiation has been detected world wide. There are still more questions than answers, and sadly all the workers trying to contain the radiation will die shortly. Events are becoming more intense and bringing people all together as one. Masuro Emoto is asking for us to pray and bless the water and apologize to it. The changes are going to outlive and outlast us, if we don't achieve them, we pass the test on. We may strive with all our might and get one inch closer. The grid can only be activated if I remain firm in my place. As we grow and ascend we reach places on all levels together.
Today I visualized the pyramids and stone henge and the kaba etc from the vantage point of a giant, it would be so small and easy for them to build. I also thought about what the land marks would look like and point to, from above. as the earth moved the land marks would point to different places.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

a cup of coffee

Thursday was a teacher work day. Mona said she'd meet me at Starbucks so Marc took us. I saw her outside on the porch, and she introduced us to her friend Ron. I knew that Mona was something special but being around her in the flesh was something else. she was the epitomy of a gypsy, living in a van, she traveled around meeting facebook friends, she talked about herbal medicine and tarot readings and birth charts. I felt like I was definitely in the right place at the right time with the right people. She took me out to see her van and her dog. Ron was really awesome too and totally warmed up to us.
they both gave off the impression that they were in tune with their inner creator, that they may be well aware of the chaos around them but that they were making beauty within it, a balance I have yet to find. I know that the process is a natural one yet I am still unsure of my step. The day after meeting Mona I got really sick and couldn't keep anything in or down, Marc called in to work so he could help take care of me and Nadia. I slept all day and then went to the doctor to get phenagren then slept all night. I had to stay home and rest rather than go to the womens retreat as planned while Marcia took Nadia to see Rango.

Friday, March 18, 2011

wisdom of the elders

One day I talked to my mom about the teachings of drumvalo and little grandmother about putting the crystals into lay lines, and she said it was interesting. she said she had mentioned the same thing to Granny and that Granny had responded with interest as well. However at the same time, Granny was thoroughly present, and focused on my mom, and about being happy and loving and comforting, as she always is. That had really struck my mother to the point where she abruptly said she had to go as if she were fighting back tears.
I understood exactly what she meant, that it is in the actions you take and not in philosophizing that gives a person depth and wisdom that shown through. I can talk and write all I want and perhaps fool many into thinking I have experienced enlightenment, but when it gets down to how I live, and interact with others, I have so far to go. It is so ironic that often the same things I have said to others in a confrontational way, have been said to me and I have seen how interconnected we all are, and what we pick up on, connect to and feed on. As I feel the wheel turning back again to where it began I see the new slipping away in exchange for the old, for it is then that we were more connected to Mother Earth and to each other.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


the more Allah loves us the more He shall test us. Our tests in this world free us from trials in the hereafter. Become aware of the trials and admit and acknowledge the trials you've gone through and the bumps and scratches you've gained along the way. With those scrapes and scratches comes wisdom, knowledge, and strength. Those gifts are only available in the now. The Hereafter is an astral plane in the Present. Remembering the Hereafter brings balance. Living in the past or the future will create anxiety because it is a lack of balance. In my sick and twisted mind it is chaos that makes me feel comfortable. I can escape from responsibility by pointing to obvious problems that pose a challenge, but they do not stop me from anything unless I let them. Muhammad was a Mercy to mankind and we make things easier for people. Lightworkers are sent in times of chaos and change and upheaval to lead the way to a new plane. I have to trust the unknown and show the beauty of hope, like a budding rose, she can not open too soon or she will be killed by the frost.

I know this and stepping away from this old habit and into the new creates anxiety that I am not facing head on and thus I am not seeing the potential I know I have and can only find within. Trusting Allah will heal anxiety. This will take constant effort and focus which is something I have considered a struggle, but if I focus on the ascension going on all around me and within me, connecting to it all and feeding off that energy, that hey I am here to love, and walking the path of gratitude, being the healing at the moment and place it is needed, another face of Allah. The Earth only holds us for a certain time during our ascension and one day we will no longer need it.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

mountain girl

we're very near mount mitchell, it is so nice digging out the stream in the yard and today Vivian and Jamie shot a turkey and Nadia watched them defeather it. Dave came over and played video games and I told him about the crystals in the lay lines, or putting them in the stream. the key is to feel hope and contentment with Allah and to give and receive His love and to give back to Earth and return Her blessings to Her if we want to stay, only those who tune in will survive the shift
the inner shift is not to run away and retreat from accountability and responsibility as I used to and not to escape into another person or a situation beyond my control and I know that is an easy way to hide
but I also know that I came here fighting
and if I am draconian
of the darkside
it is to bring balance
and create a gratitude and hope for the light

Saturday, February 19, 2011

find your tribe

Linda finally came to pick me up and drive to Clairmont. We met Justin and went to a restaurant. It was awesome to be in the company of people I already felt connected to. We agreed the biggest challenge was letting go of fear. The dark side is not a threat to us, it is only a challenge. There is always something in us that we can adjust. This is such amazing power that we have been made to forget it. We have been made to feel isolated and alone, when in reality we are the majority, the sleeping giant. It is merely a matter of stepping up to the plate and working together.
There is a deep dark force in the universe there only for the illusion itself. What we are up against is masses who are hypnotized by this illusion. The reality we are facing can go either way depending upon if we look within and ground ourselves to allow the connections to be good.

Monday, February 14, 2011


The Earth has had its own experience in the solar system and universe without humans. She plays a part and relates to other heavenly bodies with or without our presence. From the time of this Big Bang up to now, energy has been manifested in infinite ways and continues to do so constantly. Our particular awareness of this energy is how the soul manifests in the body. As the Earth moves we move with it, as she grows we grow with it. Only if we grow spiritually and mentally as well will we be given the chance to survive and thrive. Where there is pain there is healing and both are needed for growth. When we all share the same experience as travelers we will achieve a higher consciousness and undersatnding and stronger connection to Allah.

Friday, February 11, 2011


In the heavens and in ourselves are signs of Allah. We are orbiting amongst the stars, and emiting our own light as well. There is an attraction and repulsion, they are leading to the same destination. There is no separation from Love. Distance from the Light gives an illusion of darkness. The pain is the cure. Rememberance brings rest to the heart.
The world is a place for the broken hearted. Some cling to sorrow and forget joy. Others know the sweetness of both. The believer flies through the seven heavens on the wings of hope and fear. In this way he can hold on to everyone as we ascend.

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Perceptions are choices we make, realities we accept. It is easy to alter them, intentionally, or passively. I have chosen certain perceptions of myself, and of events and people in my life. These are not realities, nor are they set in stone. The legends I live by have outlived their purpose, I am ready to cast them aside. I came into this world not broken but rather displaying my adaptability. It does not matter how deformed you are, it matters how hard you try despite your deformity. I was not deprived of stability, I was shown the true meaning of home and comfort. I did not lose a father as a child, I was given a key to the unseen world. I know now that there is nothing out in the world or in another's hands that I lack, that my actions would affect. The straitening of Allah in this world is the expansion in the hereafter. There really is no boundary between this life and the hereafter, other than your nafs. Which is merely a perception. It is time for me to own my strengths and my gifts and my beauty and talents. I have hidden in thoughts and emotions because of the anxiety of taking action and responsibility. I see the current time as a grand coming together of the Universe on many levels. The perception that we're separate, against each other, is slipping away.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

unity beyond opposites

Every soul has a certain journey to take while held by a body. The balance between the two teeter totters, and it is to remind us of Allah's Hand. That is the true meaning of Allah's creating us to know Him, yet only Allah can know Allah. There is infinity inside us and the key is the present moment. This is the friction necessary for existence, without which one enters annihilation.
The mind has become so manipulated and maleable and the social structure of our planet has been turned into a pyramid. However, a few days ago, the Jasmine Revolution began in Tunisia, they overthrew their dictator, the fervor spread to Egypt and Mubarak's regime is struggling,. There are similar uprisings in Yemen and Saudi Arabia. There are those who believe this is orchestrated by the CIA or at least being influenced by them. The revolution is wonderful and beautiful, people are standing together and not in fear, and their governments are trembling and crumbling. The world is standing with the Egyptian people, who are of all ages and classes standing together demanding Mubarek step down now.
These events inspire us all to stand up for ourselves and our homes and families. I am the heart of the home and to live off the land and be a light worker is a stronger call now. Less is more, looking within and giving to others as receiving from Allah, to change my perception of what is going on, to be aware of the unseen, do the du'as actually make the scroll change? I am that mountain girl, sufi, hippie, tree hugger, artistic, creative, crunchy mama, because I make my life that way and attract those people and things to my life.
now is the time for unity of thought and action. belief and deed.


Tuesday, January 18, 2011


The times and places and people that shape your life from the outside never leave you. The reality of oneness is a boundless ocean. If you see yourself as separate, in the ocean, surrounded by the ocean, you will most assuredly drown. We descend from the Ocean of Allah's Mercy, to the ocean of the womb. The Earth is a womb as well. Our souls must operate in bodies with the Earth to complete the Universe's song. Things merely appear to join and separate from each other, but there is always a connection. What I perceive as missing or lost is not so, it is merely myself that has leered off the path. I know the way home, and it is only when I look away that I get lost. There is a harmony in the song that sings in me, along with all creation. When the song sounds a bit off it is my instrument that is out of tune.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Alex Jones 2011-01-07 Friday Part 1

Love is the answer

It is snowing but not sticking. Nadia is on early dismissal and it is almost time to meet her. Once again I lost my temper and lashed out at her this morning. I see how the inner work that I do will affect my outer world, and that making our home a heaven is in my hands. I know the world is a brutal and also wonderful place and that we pass it on to the next generation, which is a much greater burden than most can grasp. Our differences are slowly falling away, as we learn about our mutual journey. Nurturing the mind body and soul along with the Earth is something that we are all called upon to do, and those that do not see its significance will be done away with.
The dark pushes the light, and then the dark passes away. All beautiful and tragic experiences help us grow to reach our full potential, once we realize that it is all meant to be.

Monday, January 3, 2011

the unseen world

Know that there is not one place or space that Allah does not see
Only He can hold you so intimately
There you must constantly retreat
in order that your weaknesses you may defeat
Once you discern the path you must tread
you walk to Allah with your heart, not your head

Saturday, January 1, 2011

happy new year

I was not even awake when the New Year began. I thought it was interesting that the date is 1/1/11. I see that as a beautiful symbol of renewal and rebirth and beginnings. It's interesting how close the New Year is to Nadia's birthday and how much of a unique individual Nadia is becoming at age 7. We spent the day at my Mom's house. We looked at some of their books, one was an old Drumvalo book set. We talked about the world and government and conspiracies and what we could do to defeat the darkness. It was a great visit, ofcourse we had hoppin johns. Then we went to Granny's house for a while. I can't believe she still talks about moving out to Tall Trees. I thought about how she had devoted her life to loving and serving and giving and sharing to others and being so simple, such a rare find these days. After that we hung out with Daniel for a while. I loved being around Hendersonville, it was a little bit warmer than it has been and it was raining and most things were closed. Daniel was going through a tough time and felt the need to be alone. We watched Charlotte Iserbyt talk about Skull & Bones and I thought about how long these families have been directing our society, what obstacles we have to overcome to resent an alternative. I think about women I know that are fully centered and have their feet on the ground and are making a better world. I hae to remember thta is why I am here and can do. I know it starts with the self home aand family. Don't get distracted because thta is shaitan's trick, the vampires swoop in where there is no light.