bless it

pay attention to pain, to make something beautiful is not to fix it. name to contain baRAka. buRAq a flashing bolt. barc/boat/arc (crab) crescent sideways. the most precious treasures in this tavern of ruin are women perfume and prayer.the lote tree of utmost boundary.There is no other to serve, it is the same source as you.  raise the oil in 3 days. Don't stop now.Go around and up to raise vibration, the speed of light, come out of the dark, nothing is lacking when you are open to share. we all meet each other's need in one way or another. theirs is just as deep as yours. we all fall, hurt, struggle. it  takes a lot to put all your baggage/drama aside and see another one's first, and be changed. it matters more the choices i made, words i said, than any scrape or bruise i've gotten.
i am drawn to the dark, i do notice the hidden. make this a gift. to help and heal myself and others, if it won't then give it to the wind. things aren't what they seem outside, this i know. how easy to forget the same is true inside. an angels touch is a gate to the cave, shell cocoon niche, oil. if i slow down and am more careful, i guess unlike my parents, then i will do well and make it last. Tall trees take a long time to grow but a moment to destroy. so work very patiently with a vision to hold.

to turn and return

the infinite instant, the dance of past present and future. we are clay fire water wind and soul. Ancient nutrients of earth wisdom  behind propels me onward. every time i cry it is like a hug from Dad. open arms now to serve the other you on the street, or your home. Thinking and feeling is the opposite of creating. words must rise off the page. I came to be a rainbow warrior. Remember colors. Be beauty.. east west circle hoop womb. only make it better, it is time to reverse.. nothing is wrong.  The inner is the infinite, and must be contained to be realized. unique original and rare. I broke a cup and broke down. Marc helped me.Everything breaks, be the cup. Let doubt, fear, and anger spill away. Let go of all but love.I talked to Nadia about making our house better with more love. she will be 9 soon. within myself and this moment i want to know mind body and soul. there the certainty is. in her, for me.
 I feel closer to Allah without Islam directly, just us alone. I have to cultivate a connection to the Prophet, somehow. I feel more sufi without islam. i also figured out big time feelings and emotions and thoughts lie to us. everything we see points to Allah, we are moving changing growing creating the moment now. Creation is bound to let you down to  turn you to Allah.it will perish as I have learned. that is the best change, to learn.

kundalini flutter

7 year cycles. All points connect. Ayurveda is awesome. it is based on healing by opposites. perfect alignment. straight path is open and trusting. of course brad chose one pose for us to teach the class that is particularly hard for each of us. the point is more to find our voice. i felt like all that mattered was the attempt. the point is to improve with years of daily practice. it is new to be in my body and activated. there is so much depth in healing yourself it is hard to meet others on the surface. i can see why people go to ashrams.
The 2 serpents coil upwards back to their source, and electromagnetism radiates out


after saturday's yoga class, i felt an opening move up and down inside like a butterfly. i asked brad today and he said it is kundalini. the healer is within. the intention is the power. if you never dive in, if you never hold on, it never wakes up.why flutter when you can fly? the creative  process is a growing spiral, we have our own voice to hear. what is yours, but Love? The King has only a broken palace to show. He is infinite wealth Himself. There is no struggle, just show up.

skeletons

I fought to come here, to arrive, and to stay alive and thrive here. This strength was hidden deep within and forgotten.But the struggler wasn't me, If I don't dance with my skeleton I won't activate my light body. Whatever the infinite is, my experience in space and time is quite different. Don't be deceived by the container. Use the ingredients. To build and be the change that is life's quest. Recall, reconnect, recollect. Be pushed but feel propelled. Am I not your Lord?
kundalini flutter~ dissociated due to trauma, the thoughts and feelings are a veil, to hide from my body, i guess that was a message programmed in i can delete, and plug in to the beautiful expression of Allah. doing so is like filling the container, unpacking to stay long term. it feels like malnourished roots are finally reaching water and waking back up. the clot, the womb, the rope, the light, milk  and honey all hidden in plain view

From the ocean of stars to the ocean of the womb, the world needed me in the flesh, the light in humble form. Knowing of the struggles in my ancient past had given me a warped perspective I battle with to this day. Battle scars are a sign of strength, not a flaw. My worth and strength doesn’t need to be shown to anyone but myself. If I know it and live it then that is all that matters.What things are supposed to be known or should be is anyone’s guess. It is a life of a bird in a cage to live by broken expectations of a past or a future beyond your control. Being awake and aware of the illusions of the world are of no benefit if I do not awaken to the power within. Only then can I help another. 

molting

The veil is either drawn or pulled back again and again, each time unique. Embrace it and celebrate it now.. The space and time orientation is one graduation before another. Change and growing and letting go and death are key lessons to reap spiritual insights. We have left behind knowing, and are here to remember.  This spot of  Unity allows the experience of duality. Of course there is suffering. Only eternity offers the cure. Look down from up high.Observe how  things forever change to detach you.
 i let out much anger today. Stop grasping hot coals merely out of habit, now there is more room for gratitude. I am open to the dance the stars above are inviting me to. Spread the wings I have in me and always have. Claiming it and holding it feels better than looking the other way. what is hidden will appear.  collapse proceeds expansion. The change will always come, from one direction, then another. As you bend toward the light your lotus blooms.

red to orange

i am here back in the forest  because i am needed
industrious and creative, something to show only i see.
be the change, it has nothing to do with others
many or few, friend or foe, chop wood carry water
inheritance of faith and deeds,
fruits bloom from shit on seeds
 libra kidneys reins
saggitarius hips

i hold back for fear of poverty, overcoming death, how appropriate that today was the fall equinox. time for shukr and harvest or rizq. how could i question Allah when it is He who has given me the ability to ask? I remember not finishing so i have to rush nothing lasts an i have to think and not act, well, no more.opening up and letting go to stand tall and proud is the hardest task right now.  orange is being here with and for others.  make my home cozy by serving Allah, self, and fanily who are as messed up as me. i heal that, don't stop halfway. the point! refining the light, wax out wain in. keep some share some

cusp

Live on light and gaze up at the stars. The touch of an angel can open many worlds.How does light touch clay without going straight through it? There must be descension and ascension "to know".   it requires conscious effort to balance in dunya.  Duality is a hermetic principle.
On the cusp change is in motion. When I feel crabby remember the lioness, i may want to be alone but have a nurturing instinct. what a dance! when my roar is angry remember the crab's shell. the turtle is always home, offering a ride  the fruits of self love which is a long slow process of going within. The bear who shares honey without scaring you away.
Today we would have gone on a camping trip to folly but i talked marc out of it. I still really want to do yoga on the beach. Marc took me to Olive Gardens. It rained all day.  we went shopping and food was so expensive!Marcia said Bob might build me a dehydrator! We picked up Nadia from chess and Simara was there too. . I almost have my shrine set up on the island. i grasp hold and let go. the stages of my cycle.