stability

there's a balance between stability and change. One day at a time.

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the brainstorming and sowing the seeds. I have lots of good ideas. I have to believe in my ability to turn them into realities.

and the sowing of the garden is the editing, paying attention to details and placing value on my work.

2 distinct steps of a process. like the spiritual path, one must take the medicine given by the shaykh. One step towards Allah and He takes 10 steps towards you. Maybe, I am just overwhelmed by what that closeness will mean. closer than my jugular vein, in Allah's hand. it is more than ideas, thoughts what good is it if i simply write things down and don't read them. Allah created the intellect first and now I know why. It is because the Pen would write in the Lahw Mahfooz which is the soul, in order to be known, and read, because that is the first word revealed.

Words spoken, written, must be discovered, understood, returned to, explored gain and improve them, what value do they have? connect them, publish/share them...and above all, act on them, change my behavior, change my thought processes and my actions, towards what I know is best. If I don't learn from my mistakes I will keep making them. it's like nurturing a garden, aka jannah, if my niyyah is for Allah. I am molding clay, painting a portrait, i just have to really focus on that and remember it. Perhaps I am overly emphasizing on the abstract and not enough of the concrete.

distractions are from shaytan we give the most to what has the most value, and that makes us the ahlul akhirah. That is really what I want to be. Interesting, that my father has taken that step so early in my life, and that has influenced how I live my life here and my attitude toward the hereafter. Yet, again, what about the DEEDS? perhaps it is a combination of not having or knowing stability, and not having enough faith in myself, that prevents me from striving for success. However, that is just an excuse and I know much more stability than many people. I am a feather that has softly landed.

iran contra

Oliver North was in the military served in Nam, marines under his command were charged with mass killings of civilians in vietnam. Then he got a promotion and served in japan. Then he served in VA for 4 yrs and got promoted. 2 yrs at camp legume, he became religious. Then he went to the naval war academy. Then he was in the NSC from 81 to 86. Got promotion. His job was to find those responsible for the 1983 Beirut bombings. Planned invasion of Granada and Bombing of Libya. During his trial, he was restationed. Boland Amendment forbids selling arms to rebels, which he funded contras. He funneled money thru the “national Endowment for the Preservation of Liberty” to the contras thru Palmer National Bank. where he sold guns to Iran to get hostages from Lebanon. And proceeds funding contra rebels in nicuragua. Met with Pres Noreaga of panama. If US sells arms to Panama, they will take care of the sandanista leadership. “Project Democracy” funds from selling arms to Iran, to pay noreaga to destroy nicuragua’s economy. 86, the sales were made public and raegan fired him, North admitted he lied to congress and said he felt the contras were freedom fighters and thought the scheme was a “neat idea”. Charged with 3 felonies, served 3 yrs, ACLU said he had immunity when he testified and that any info given by him couldn’t be used. Court of appeals reversed his conviction, supreme court won’t review case. charges dismissed in 91. He had to find a way around the Bolin Act in order to transport drugs to fund rebels. Palmer used a plane to smuggle drugs, paid out of an office overseen by north, to ferry supplies to contras. Noriega on trial, pilot says I flew drugs into the us and weapons to contras. Judge refused to allow north to answer if he had any knowledge of this. He also dealed in costa rica and was banned from costa rica. North denies trafficking drugs even though his notebooks are full of proof which have been censored and edited. North shredded documents before the trial. 1994 north ran for senate. Nancy Reagan said he lied to her husband and he lost. He raised 20 million for his campaign, the most ever. Best selling author and war corespondant and syndicated colomnist, radio host, tv show host, guest on hannity and fox news. Appeared as himself on wings and jag, MSNBC, promotes military service,

Without US military support, the 2 sides negotiated. Contra is anti Sandinista. Sandanistas took over the gov. in 06 North came to Nicuragua. He warned against Ortega, and sandanistas return to power. North supports PLC party, US supports anti PLC party. Ortega won.

brotherhood of the dragon

just who was Sir Francis Drake? What is it going to take for me to dig for the truth? Is he of the Rosicrucians? The Rosy Cross? Is that the templars? The confrontation I had yesterday with Marc taught me that I have to let go of anger and stop yelling, and Justin taught me that Love is the answer and we are One. Since I know this, I have to wonder why I am of this Bloodline and what balance is and how we wake up from the illusion of seperation. Some people question why we don't know, why we have to suffer, struggle, in order to reach Allah and grow. Why can't He tell us or appear they say? It is how you react and relate because the other person is you and needs your love. I must let go of the anger towards the soldiers. Leaving duality and entering Unity, Oneness is a painful experience, but that pain is the cure, it is a birthing or death or letting go or release, looking backwards from that, turning back from that.

landmarks

This year has definitely been transformative. The changes are one day and one person at a time, taking back our power and getting together. We are approaching critical mass. We know we're being manipulated and controlled and are ready to resist. For the past few weeks there has been an earthquake and tsunami in Japan that hit the Fukushima nuclear plant, thousands dead and missing, food and water contamination, and radiation has been detected world wide. There are still more questions than answers, and sadly all the workers trying to contain the radiation will die shortly. Events are becoming more intense and bringing people all together as one. Masuro Emoto is asking for us to pray and bless the water and apologize to it. The changes are going to outlive and outlast us, if we don't achieve them, we pass the test on. We may strive with all our might and get one inch closer. The grid can only be activated if I remain firm in my place. As we grow and ascend we reach places on all levels together.

Today I visualized the pyramids and stone henge and the kaba etc from the vantage point of a giant, it would be so small and easy for them to build. I also thought about what the land marks would look like and point to, from above. as the earth moved the land marks would point to different places.

a cup of coffee

Thursday was a teacher work day. Mona said she'd meet me at Starbucks so Marc took us. I saw her outside on the porch, and she introduced us to her friend Ron. I knew that Mona was something special but being around her in the flesh was something else. she was the epitomy of a gypsy, living in a van, she traveled around meeting facebook friends, she talked about herbal medicine and tarot readings and birth charts. I felt like I was definitely in the right place at the right time with the right people. She took me out to see her van and her dog. Ron was really awesome too and totally warmed up to us.

they both gave off the impression that they were in tune with their inner creator, that they may be well aware of the chaos around them but that they were making beauty within it, a balance I have yet to find. I know that the process is a natural one yet I am still unsure of my step. The day after meeting Mona I got really sick and couldn't keep anything in or down, Marc called in to work so he could help take care of me and Nadia. I slept all day and then went to the doctor to get phenagren then slept all night. I had to stay home and rest rather than go to the womens retreat as planned while Marcia took Nadia to see Rango.

wisdom of the elders

One day I talked to my mom about the teachings of drumvalo and little grandmother about putting the crystals into lay lines, and she said it was interesting. she said she had mentioned the same thing to Granny and that Granny had responded with interest as well. However at the same time, Granny was thoroughly present, and focused on my mom, and about being happy and loving and comforting, as she always is. That had really struck my mother to the point where she abruptly said she had to go as if she were fighting back tears.

I understood exactly what she meant, that it is in the actions you take and not in philosophizing that gives a person depth and wisdom that shown through. I can talk and write all I want and perhaps fool many into thinking I have experienced enlightenment, but when it gets down to how I live, and interact with others, I have so far to go. It is so ironic that often the same things I have said to others in a confrontational way, have been said to me and I have seen how interconnected we all are, and what we pick up on, connect to and feed on. As I feel the wheel turning back again to where it began I see the new slipping away in exchange for the old, for it is then that we were more connected to Mother Earth and to each other.

anxiety

the more Allah loves us the more He shall test us. Our tests in this world free us from trials in the hereafter. Become aware of the trials and admit and acknowledge the trials you've gone through and the bumps and scratches you've gained along the way. With those scrapes and scratches comes wisdom, knowledge, and strength. Those gifts are only available in the now. The Hereafter is an astral plane in the Present. Remembering the Hereafter brings balance. Living in the past or the future will create anxiety because it is a lack of balance. In my sick and twisted mind it is chaos that makes me feel comfortable. I can escape from responsibility by pointing to obvious problems that pose a challenge, but they do not stop me from anything unless I let them. Muhammad was a Mercy to mankind and we make things easier for people. Lightworkers are sent in times of chaos and change and upheaval to lead the way to a new plane. I have to trust the unknown and show the beauty of hope, like a budding rose, she can not open too soon or she will be killed by the frost.

I know this and stepping away from this old habit and into the new creates anxiety that I am not facing head on and thus I am not seeing the potential I know I have and can only find within. Trusting Allah will heal anxiety. This will take constant effort and focus which is something I have considered a struggle, but if I focus on the ascension going on all around me and within me, connecting to it all and feeding off that energy, that hey I am here to love, and walking the path of gratitude, being the healing at the moment and place it is needed, another face of Allah. The Earth only holds us for a certain time during our ascension and one day we will no longer need it.